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I never thought I would be the type of girl who would mourn the absence of her boyfriend when he leaves for work or for a weekend speech tournament. I never thought I would become so obsessed with the presence of him. My daily routine of seeing him as many minutes in a day as I possibly could has plagued me with an aching feeling that I can't match with anything else. I have never felt more complete, loved, & wanted than I do when I am with Joe.

This is how my relationship with the Lord works, too. & as much as i love Joe & would do absolutely anything in the world to serve him, I would do that much more to honor & glorify my God. You see I get my worldly fulfillment from Joe & am beyond blessed that my heart was opened to him, but my soul is sustained by my Lord & Creator.

First & foremost, I give myself to Him. From the beginning of our relationship, I told Joe that my heart belonged to God, & luckily, he has come to share a piece of it too. 

I've admired watching Joe's faith. Watching how he analyzes sermons & devotions, how he can depict out the smallest piece of an argument & cause the other person to really think about what they believe in & who they believe in. His faith & constant search for the real truth has brought me to find mine. 

Secondly, any young Christian girl sat through some Wednesday night purity class & they talked about their future husband. They listed traits that would describe him: hardworking, loving, handsome, funny. But a trait that usually made the cut would be "God-fearing." The classic good girl response & if you didn't put that one down first on the list then where did your priorities really lie, right? Not to say that you shouldn't desire that trait in your life partner, but have you ever realized that there is more than one version of a follower of Jesus Christ?

It took me a long time to come to terms with that. My man was to stand out but also blend in. To be called on day after day & Sunday after Sunday. He would have the respect of the elders & other members of the church. A lot of pressure. When I think of a Christian man, I think of my father. I think of my grandfathers. I think of my brother. So many other wonderful leaders I have had in my life. I have seen them work in the church. I have heard them praise. I have witnessed their broken hearts. I had a cookie cutter version of what I wanted my husband to be doing to express his faith & love for his savior. 

But finally, I was blessed with Joe. The man who I'm not going to see standing up every Sunday to lead praise & worship. Or be asked to say a prayer for every Lord's Table. He might be the one getting up to do announcements or reaching it to those who may be in financial, mental, spiritual, or physical conflicts. I see a man who will support & pour him whole self into a person or a project. A man who is driven by passion. 

One day, I told Joe to lead me. He said no, walk beside me. We've been hand in hand ever since. 

"Two are better than one, because they have a good return fir their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls & has no one to help them up. Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken." 

Ecclesiastes 4:9,10 & 12.

1Also, 12 Th

I don't want a gingerbread man, a cookie-cutter version of the Christian man picture I painted in my head many years ago.. I don't need a gingerbread man & his sugar coating & gumdrop buttons. I need someone who will put a bitter taste in my mouth that will help me to think, that will help me to challenge & try until I find my own recipe of faith.

God gave me my God-fearing man. In a way that I would have never expected.

Peace & love.
B.