Grocery Store Silverware

Recently, I got married. If you didn't know that, then I quite frankly don't know what to tell you. All I can tell you though, is that my husband is amazing. Like the type of amazing that runs you a bath and makes you tea when you come home from a long day of work. The kind of amazing that wakes up in the wee hours of the morning to let the crying dog out of her kennel. The kind of amazing that does the dishes without being asked. Like I said, amazing.

Well anyways, this past December, my great-grandmother finally passed on to her eternal home. That left my Grammy and Aunt Dana to go through the remaining items of her house. Grammy gave me a craved wooden spatchula that my great-granddaddy carved as a wedding shower gift. Then she gave Joe and I a photo of her great-uncle standing in front of his jewelry store that proudly declares "Earl Davis Jeweler," (since our last name is Davis, it only seemed fit.) Fast forward to a few months post-wedding, on her most recent visit up north for my youngest sister's high school graduation, she brought Joe and I yet one more thing: Grandmother's silverware. 

I wish everyone could have spent a meal seated in my great-grandparent's dinning room. 

I've used these pieces of grocery store silverware countless times, never once giving it a thought. She saved up coupons with every trip to the grocery store that she made then cashed them in for a 12 seat set. If you knew any one thing about my great-grandmother, it is that she loved to feed people, I think my mother learned that from her, and I learned that skill enough to plump up my own husband. But Grandmother, she was special when it came to the kitchen. She was an avid baker. If there is one thing I could eat every meal and never get tired of would be her cinnamon bread. Just the thought of it makes my mouth water. 

As I unpacked and washed the "new" silverware in my own kitchen, I thought of the hundreds of mouths that these few pieces fed. The hundreds of times that my granddaddy would carefully, gladly wash each individual piece after each night's dinner. These grocery store silverware made an impact on many lives. 

I look around my tiny kitchen, painted blue with the help of my dear friend, Karlie whom I miss beyond words, accented with orange cabinets and countertops. And I think of what talents and gifts have I go give to hundreds of people? It brings me to ask what type of talents do I have that glorify our LORD? 

I've worked at a small restaurant for nearly 3 1/2 years. Somehow, I became apart of that little township of McCool. But today, I hang up my very dirty apron. I work my last shift as a waitress and I press forward on into life. Which brings me to think, who many people did I feed? How many people did I serve? I'm sure the number is in the high hundreds, if not more. Countless amounts of drinks and plates, and silverware pieces. I worked with and for great people, and I am thankful for the opportunity to have wonderful relationships with those people and those that I served. Somehow, my cup was filled when I knew the names of the patrons in the restaurant and they knew mine. When townsfolk would keep a watch out for me when I walked to my car late at night. When strangers would leave little notes on their receipts praising me for the service they received. When Miss Dee would tell me that her day was better because she saw me. 

I wish I had kept every kind note that was written to me. I wish that I had a video to replay all of the kind things said to me. As I head forward into this life, I can't wait to look back on the memories and found times I had in little McCool. I've worked with countless people, trained all the more, served more than that. To think that tonight is my last time to put on this suit and go out brings me bittersweet times as I look ahead.

I look forward to how God will use me next. I look forward to seeing where my new journey will unfold. Now Joe and I eat off this coupon awarded silverware set, and I could not be happier than to have these pieces sitting in my contrasting kitchen, and my cup continues to overflow.

Peace & love.

B.

Cinnamon Bread Recipe 

by Dan and Theda Dennington

4 cups luke warm water

2/3 cups sugar

1 tbs salt

2 tbs quick rising yeast

2/3 cups cooking oil

11 cups all purpose flour

1 cup melted butter

Approx. 1 cup brown sugar

Approx. 2 Tbs cinnamon

In large bowl mix water, sugar, salt and yeast. Add 4 cups of flour and beat with whisk. Add oil and whisk in. Add rest of flour stirring in with a wooden spoon. Let rise until doubled. Stir down. Let rise until double. 

Put on bread board and divide into four pieces. Roll one piece to about 6" by 10". Spread melted butter on dough, sprinkle brown sugar and cinnamon. Roll up and put in bread pan. Let rise until double. 

Bake at 350 for 30-35 minutes.

To the Class of 2016

I should be graduating this Saturday with the rest of the class I started my higher education journey with. But being removed from the collegiate world for the past year, I've gotten the chance to sit in the stands & watch from an outsider's perspective. I've watch them marvel in the glory of their true senior year for the past nine months. They've won awards, been placed & voted into valuable leadership positions, made a difference on campus & on their sports fields, staff members have sung their praise, underclassmen have followed their lead, & what a great year it has been for my former classmates. I could not be more proud of them for the difference their presence on this campus for the past four years.

I graduated a full year ahead of them, & yes, part of me wishes that this would be the year I would get to receive my diploma but the entire Reston me is so glad I didn't spend the last month cramming for papers, tests & projects. Sorry, but I'm not sorry.

& to the class I started with, I want to offer some advice about the new world you're about to jump head first into.

1. Things are going to change.

It's okay to be scared. It's still acceptable to cry on the phone to your mom. It's okay to blast your car radio and go on a drive. It's okay to still be young. But be ready for change. You won't notice it at first, but one day you'll wake up to find a whole new perspective of yourself. Use that perspective as your motivation to keep going, to keep pushing. 

2. It is okay to say no to a job offer.

Trust me, I've been there & you don't have to take that first job that's put on your plate. This is your life, you get to make choices now, & you can choose whether or not you want to take this job, whatever it may be. But don't assume something will just fall into your lap, keep your options open & put out your resume and fill out applications. But do something that you're interested in. Eventually something will come up. Eventually something will feel right. Trust yourself, know your strengths, talk yourself up in interview, don't be shy. You deserve the best, don't sell yourself for anything short of that.

3. It is okay for you to want more.

Don't live outside of your means, but take the opportunities that are placed in front of you. Go see a musical, take a mission trip, try an internship. Allow yourself a little leeway cash, you don't always have to spend it, but save it up for a night out or just a new outfit.

4. Get a credit card (if you don't already have one).

I managed to only use money I had in a savings account during my college years, but little did I know that by just having a single credit card I could have been building up my credit to help get a better loan for my first real big girl purchase, a car, which will soon turn into a house loan, or a property loan, or a business loan. Building credit is so important, & I don't think that it is stressed enough, but be careful not to build debt. Make your card a single or double item only card, like gas and groceries. Necessities, not wants. 

5. Set a budget.

You are now entering the world of money. You are about to really see how much living costs. You are about to spend a whole lot of money, on very little things. & trust me, things can rack up quickly. It may not seem like it, but college was the cheapest you are going to live. Endless AC, water & electricity. Free garbage pick up & wifi (even if you weren't always satisfied with it). So be smart. Don't take hour long showers & you don't need AC to survive. Your new digs don't have to be top shelf quality, because most likely you will move, & then move again. Save yourself the cash & don't cash out on small decor items, get the basics & leave it at that for now until you really begin to settle yourself. Become a temporary minimalist. Take into mind, that right now, less is more. Now is the time to start saving money, not spending it.

6. Keep up good habits (or at least start them).

Be positive. Pray. Exercise. 

You're (we're) young. You'll (we'll) be stressed, frustrated, misunderstood, taken for granted, over or under worked & paid. & it's okay. Get that in your head. You are going to be fine. You eventually be successful. It may take you time, more time than you wanted. Don't ever let your success be determined by the amount of money you make or the hours you put in. Keep pushing & soon thing will begin to feel right. 

Pray, because there is a God who is rooting for you, reach out to Him daily. Find your own personal way to praise Him, He will hold you. Even if you feel lonely, lost, scared, He will be there. He has plans, be willing to accept those plans.

Exercise. Because you will gain weight if you just sit around. They say the "Freshman 15" is a thing, well trust me the post-graduation weight is just as real. Set small goals for yourself. Buy a set of weights, follow Pinterest and YouTube workouts; you don't need a gym membership to be in shape. Besides, don't you want to be the one who looks great at all those class reunions?

I promise you'll be okay.

You've all done so many great things already, you've got a great start. You'll go on to be performers, teachers, business leaders, lawyers, parents, spouses. You will go on to help so many people in a thousand different ways that you'd never even planned for. 

Always keep your chin up. Always keep your eyes & heart open.

Happy graduation, my dear friends. I am so proud of you for fighting through this past month of school, I know how much it can suck. But I love you all. Thank you for each holding a special place in my heart.

Peace & love.

B.

{PerfectOneTwentyFive}

So it's been awhile since I've updated my thought & life. I've just been a bit busy. 

Recap: I got engaged. Yes! Well that's what I was supposed to say, pretty sure I just mumbled letters as he out the ring on my finger. But in 65 days, I am going to be Mrs. Joseph Davis. Exciting right? Well it is for me. 

So my abscene is due to the fact that I am crazy busy. While waiting tables during the day, I'm going crazy with my princess business & getting all kinds & sorts of gigs & events. It's great to see things really flying. 

My busyness has led me to go almost a little insane. Sleeping poorly, not keeping a regulated diet, super hard lack of exercise. My life is kind of falling into a mess all while I'm supposed to be the most organized I have ever been. 

So, I've dedicated this post to me taking a breather to sit down & write. 

Wedding planning is going great. My mom & Aunt Lori are so helpful. My family is supportive & my fiancé is absolutely the best man. We've got a date & venues. My dad is ready to start building & designing to make our ceremony beautiful. Flowers are ordered, The Dress is almost finished with alterations, Joe looks so good in his new suit and shoes. We've got ties and earrings. I'm working with our caterer this week & crafting out the wazoo. 

Seriously, weddings are so much fun to me. I've always enjoyed them. I can remember when I was younger going to my cousins' weddings or people my parents knew, & when I wasn't a flower girl, I would always try to sit on the end of aisle. My favorite part was to have the bride's dress trail over my feet as she walked down the aisle. For some reason, that moment was so magical. 

As I've grown, & played the role of bridesmaid or maid-of-honor in my friend & sisters weddings, I have grown to see the magic in the grooms face as he sees his bride for the first time. Or the weepy happiness in a fathers eyes as he gives his daughter away. Crazy how one day can leave so many different elements of magic all over the place. There's magic in the dressing room as the bridesmaids all laugh & playfully tease so to ease the bride's nerves. 

I brag about my soon-to-be husband to people I wait on at work. I show off the beautiful ring he picked out, I tell them "He's alright. He'll do for now." But they know I mean more. Because he deserves more of a beautiful description. I'm not easy to deal with or handle at times. I can still get moody, upset, frustrated, he deals with me when I'm purposefully annoying him & trying to get a rise out of him. He's got patience & I lose count of how many times a day I hear the phrase, "I love you." People tell him he is lucky to have a catch like me, they're right, but they're also wrong. I'm the lucky one. I got the prize. Never would I thought that I could fall so hard for someone else, love as purely as I love Joe.

He's my absolute favorite person to spend my days with. 

I'm the lucky one. Joe brings an uncanning amount of joy to my life. He makes me laugh, he laughs at me. Joe knows how to cheer me up & how to level my head. 

I bet everyone has heard the saying, "When you know, you know." Well, it's so true. Funny because I was beyond against Joe at the beginning. Scared of what people would think of me & my decisions or choice in judgement.  But what I wasn't aware of was the amazing man God placed into my life when we both were at difficult & uncertain times. I just want to go back in time & tell myself to let go of my heart & hand it over to him, because he's the best one fit to guard it.

Love is beautiful. I hope everyone can experience just once in their life someone who fully & selflessly understands them.

Follow our love story & fairytale at www.theknot.com/us/PerfectOneTwentyFive or watch my page for wedding updates, pictures or just more snippets of my bragging on my Joe. 

Peace & love.

B.

{Recipe}

I never thought I would be the type of girl who would mourn the absence of her boyfriend when he leaves for work or for a weekend speech tournament. I never thought I would become so obsessed with the presence of him. My daily routine of seeing him as many minutes in a day as I possibly could has plagued me with an aching feeling that I can't match with anything else. I have never felt more complete, loved, & wanted than I do when I am with Joe.

This is how my relationship with the Lord works, too. & as much as i love Joe & would do absolutely anything in the world to serve him, I would do that much more to honor & glorify my God. You see I get my worldly fulfillment from Joe & am beyond blessed that my heart was opened to him, but my soul is sustained by my Lord & Creator.

First & foremost, I give myself to Him. From the beginning of our relationship, I told Joe that my heart belonged to God, & luckily, he has come to share a piece of it too. 

I've admired watching Joe's faith. Watching how he analyzes sermons & devotions, how he can depict out the smallest piece of an argument & cause the other person to really think about what they believe in & who they believe in. His faith & constant search for the real truth has brought me to find mine. 

Secondly, any young Christian girl sat through some Wednesday night purity class & they talked about their future husband. They listed traits that would describe him: hardworking, loving, handsome, funny. But a trait that usually made the cut would be "God-fearing." The classic good girl response & if you didn't put that one down first on the list then where did your priorities really lie, right? Not to say that you shouldn't desire that trait in your life partner, but have you ever realized that there is more than one version of a follower of Jesus Christ?

It took me a long time to come to terms with that. My man was to stand out but also blend in. To be called on day after day & Sunday after Sunday. He would have the respect of the elders & other members of the church. A lot of pressure. When I think of a Christian man, I think of my father. I think of my grandfathers. I think of my brother. So many other wonderful leaders I have had in my life. I have seen them work in the church. I have heard them praise. I have witnessed their broken hearts. I had a cookie cutter version of what I wanted my husband to be doing to express his faith & love for his savior. 

But finally, I was blessed with Joe. The man who I'm not going to see standing up every Sunday to lead praise & worship. Or be asked to say a prayer for every Lord's Table. He might be the one getting up to do announcements or reaching it to those who may be in financial, mental, spiritual, or physical conflicts. I see a man who will support & pour him whole self into a person or a project. A man who is driven by passion. 

One day, I told Joe to lead me. He said no, walk beside me. We've been hand in hand ever since. 

"Two are better than one, because they have a good return fir their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls & has no one to help them up. Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken." 

Ecclesiastes 4:9,10 & 12.

1Also, 12 Th

I don't want a gingerbread man, a cookie-cutter version of the Christian man picture I painted in my head many years ago.. I don't need a gingerbread man & his sugar coating & gumdrop buttons. I need someone who will put a bitter taste in my mouth that will help me to think, that will help me to challenge & try until I find my own recipe of faith.

God gave me my God-fearing man. In a way that I would have never expected.

Peace & love.
B.

{Thankfulness}

I don't think people realize how blessed their lives are. This past summer I have had many friends go on mission trips to places less fortunate than where we have come from. Some places were out of the country, across seas, & others were right here in our own backyard America. My good friend Karlie is heading to Africa in January 2016 to work with a group called The Mercy Project. She is following my friend Tyler's younger sister, Katey who is going to be working with the same mission. My friend Ally goes to Port Au Prince, Haiti every year to give back to an orphanage that has cleared a special place in her heart & I love to follow her story about her journey & her realization of God's love. York's beloved Beth Brock & Troy Kelly just headed to China to teach English for the next year. So many beautiful people are doing so many beautiful things for our Lord's Kingdom. I am so thankful for people like Karlie, Katey, Ally, Beth & Troy who are willing to go out & stretch themselves to their thinnest, to give up the luxuries they hold so dear & be the clay that God is so excited to mold. I am thankful for those who daily serve where hands are needy & food is scarce, where the water has deadly bacteria & the sun scorches their skin, but everyday praise the Lord continuously.

How are you contributing?

How am I contributing? How are we servicing our Father? How am I being a fisher of men?

I have struggled with knowing the right way for me to full heartedly serve my God. I don't know if my efforts in praise & worship are ever enough. Because unlike my mission driven friends & family, I've stayed put for all nearly twenty-two years of my life. I find my peace here in the Midwest. But that doesn't mean I can't go & be a servant for the Lord.

Constantly, I ask myself, how am I serving?

I work as a server in the food industry.  From about 11:30 until around 9:00 every Tuesday through Friday and then Saturday nights, I'm running hot plates of food to tables, refilling glasses of various beverages, rolling silverware, taking out trash, cleaning windows, along with a variety of other tasks required of this position. My feet hurt every day. My back hurts every day. My clothes get dirty. I spill things that make the floor dirty. But every day I leave my job thankful. 

My favorite couple comes in every day, Rollie & Annie. Though I don't always see them or speak with them, I know they've been in. They are an older couple who just melt my heart & bring me so much joy. I have never seen them not smile or say a cross word to the other. Out of habit, I always ask them how they are doing & Annie will always without a doubt answer, "thankful."

They are my daily reminder to be thankful for my own life. They’re my reminder to be a little nicer to the rude customers sitting at the corner table. They’re my reminder to refill drinks with a smile, even if it's after midnight or after a ten hour shift.

So today, I ask you to be thankful. I urge you to take a look at what you have, to evaluate the life you live. Are you thankful? Are you grateful? Are you filling your days with love? 

I’m thankful for my boyfriend. For the love that we get to share freely. I’m thankful for his new job & that he gets to go back to school & coach speech. I’m thankful for the puppy he bought me, even if she annoys me or tries to sit on my lap as I type this on the broken computer that I have, but am also thankful for. I’m thankful for the caffeine in the coffee I’m drinking. I’m thankful that our friend is loaning us a car to drive so that each f us can get to work every day. I am thankful for my bosses & how well the little town of McCool Junction has treated me for the past couple of years. I am so incredibly thankful for my family. My parents are a beautiful example of love. My sisters have taught me to share. My brother has taught me to work. I’m thankful for my “brother” Raymond who is always the first to jump up & greet Joe & me when we come back to visit & for my brother-in-law who is providing for my sister & being a spiritual leader in our family & church congregation. I could go on & on about the big & small things that I have in my life. My service to God is through thankfulness.

To the God who is faithful, I am thankful.

To help support Karlie and Katey, here are their GoFundMe links

Karlie Mountjoy: http://www.gofundme.com/sy2z98ng

Katey Cox: http://www.gofundme.com/y4vwd24

& Please remember to pray for those who are willing to work as the Lord’s missionaries & servants.

Peace & love.

B.

{Love Him}

I've always been a fixer. Growing up on a farm, I learned how to work most power tools. With a dad who can fix any problem on a car or tractor, I have always gone to him if there's something I cannot handle. I pick up on trades easily, it's a one & done learning type experience for me. Having a creative mind, I wanted to use my skills to create & craft. For example, I can unclog toilets, put filters on sink faucets, I know my way around a hand wood sander & hand drill just as well as any other guy out there. If it needs fixed, I can usually get it done, & usually with a little Bailey flare.

One thing I never thought I would have to try to fix would be the man I fell in love with. For those of you who don't know, my boyfriend has recently come out of a failed marriage. Never would I have thought that I would fall in love with what my faith would deem as a broken man. We've all got our baggage. I just never thought that this would be baggage I would have to mess with. As our relationship grew, I realized that I wasn't trying to fix this man, I was learning to love him.

Getting past the jealousy has been the hardest part, I'm not going to lie, not a day goes by that something isn't brought up in a major or lesser way. Never did I think that dealing with an ex-wife would be something I would need to prepare myself for, but it has been my reality. Knowing how to handle my emotions & feelings toward her has been a constant struggle for me. Learning to look past their past relationship has brought me a lot of internal struggle, but I've learned that looking towards a future has more benefits than dwelling on the past.

But still I continue to love him, day in, & day out.

Every now & then he'll ask me why I'm so understanding. Honestly, I can't give him an answer, because I don't know why. I've never been through this, I've never had to deal with this, nothing like this has ever been in my direct path of life. But through our relationship, I have seen my hope restored. Every day, he makes me smile & laugh. Every day, I am supported & encouraged. He has become my favorite adventure & most prized treasure.

John 15:11 "I have told you this so that my joy may be in you & that your joy may be complete."

Jesus loved a lot of people, a lot of sinners; those who were deemed broken in the eyes of religion. I'm not saying that our relationship is a charity, that this is my service to God for loving this broken & damaged man. We all have our sin we struggle daily with. Big or small, they're all just sins in the eyes of the Lord, I think too often we put a scale on "big" sins & "little" sins, but honestly, a sin, is a sin. I have fallen in love with him because he is a good man, even though he's a sinner, even tough he's broken. He is a kind & gentle man. He makes me smile & laugh. Every day with him is a blessing, is a joy. He makes my world a better place. He restores the happiness in my heart.

I know at the beginning, our relationship worried a lot of people. It worried people we were close to, & people we were not even remotely affiliated with. I was quite weary of it at first, to be honest, countless hours of prayer & hours of thought & conversation were put into the final outcome of our relationship, but allowing myself to actually get to know this man & to know him in strengths & in his weaknesses, only helped both of us to grow stronger, together. Recently, I learned that my grandparents were in a similar situation several decades ago, because my grandpa was able to look past his wife's divorce & still love her regardless. Without his love, I wouldn't be here. & recently, I've realized that I need to be a woman who will love my man, not try to fix him. Just like Jesus loved, rather than fixed.

1 John 4:19 "We love because he first loved us."

Quite honestly, the past six & a half months have been the most rewarding time of my life. I have experienced so much love, grown spiritually. I have learned to love, I mean really love & learn to trust. I never thought a divorced twenty-three year old man would be the one who would change my life, but because of Joseph, I am no longer a woman who tries to fix everything, but a woman who will try to love & encourage.

Song of Songs 3:4 "I have found the one whom my soul loves."

My soul is happy.
Peace & love.
B.

{Produce Aisle}

I ate the fruit. I was poisoned by this overwhelming feeling of some other love. I ate the fruit & let it spoil my appetite for something other than my Creator's love. I craved the power, lusted with jealousy. I ruined the feast set before me by sneaking a bite from the one sweet I was not allowed to have. But just as I ate the forbidden fruit, but after the Fall & with the Rising, it is by the Fruit that I live. 

I have learned to accept & to grow by the Fruit of the Spirit mentioned in Galatians 5:22-23. My joy, my patience, my gentleness, kindness, faithfulness, love, peace, self-control, & my goodness grew into fruit on a tree that my Savior bled & died for me on. 

"If we live by the Spirit, let us also walk by the Spirit." Galatians 5:25

When we recite the fruit listed in the New Testament, there is always an order in which we repeat them. But that doesn't mean they all don't have the same power. Just like normal fruits that we physically can eat, there will be different vitamins & nutrients, sugar & fructose contents, however, it doesn't mean that one fruit is better than another or should be stuck on a ranking scale. I have been trying to recondition myself on learning & using the Fruit in different orders & patterns. 

An apple a day will keep the doctor away -but the Great Physician is here to heal you, to provide you with answers & comfort that you may be seeking. Faith is hard, & it is hard to know if there is really a God out there looking to feed you. Adam & Eve ate from the tree of the Knowledge of Good & Evil in hopes of being able to feed themselves with answers, but in return their eyes were opened & they say themselves as vulnerable beings, recognized their faults & knew they had sinned. God reached down & clothed them, but sent them from his garden & they began to labor over the fruits that they were from. Sin entered our world by the bite of a fruit but they continued to plant the fruits in the earth & watched & nurtured them to grow.

My gentleness can come before my patience & joy. My self-control can be shown through love. My kindness will be my joy. The Fruit wasn't meant to be eaten & digested in an order, so we shouldn't program ourselves to produce it in that order. Fruit grows on different seasons & there are times when a pineapple is going to be ripe & when a blueberry will be the perfect purple color. In those times, we must use & produce the Fruit that will real the most benefits for our own spiritual growth & well-being.

At a young age, we are taught about the food pyramid & the five major food groups: grains, fruits, vegetables, dairy, & meat & beans. We have to have a healthy balance of these groups to maintain a strong physical body. If we deny ourselves of these categories, we lack something that could potentially benefit us in the long run. Different foods pair up better with others, as a college student, I'm starting to learn how to plan out weekly meals for my boyfriend & I. Making sure to cover all ground so that we may be filled in the most nourishing, but cheap way. However, I can't only make dinner of rice & beans. We wouldn't be satisfying our bodies, it is not sufficient enough for us to eat only a few things. just like eating three meals a day is recommended to help keep metabolisms rolling & our bodies in check. By bringing in a healthy dose of a variety of foods, we may be nourished & filled. By feeding our spiritual bodies, with prayer, meditation, & worship, our spiritual bodies may continue to grow & be filled also.

So remember to be the Fruit. You are what you eat. If you put in the good fruit, then you will produce good fruit for others to eat as well. 

Peace & love.
B.

{Overflowing}

I love getting the opportunity to spend Sunday morning worship at other sister churches & with other congregations I am always amazed how I can see so many different members of God's family gathered in many different areas of the country serving & praising the same God. Churches have different orders of events, run their worship in different ways, even host pot locks in a different manner, when you grow up Church of Christ, pot locks are a staple in a strong church family. There are always different standards of dress & the child care can take all forms of little to full structure during services. There are always the more conservative churches & the more progressive. But at the end of it all, we are all gathered to worship & honor our one good God. It is all about the common good that is shared from congregation to congregation wrapped around states to countries. The size of the church ranges from thousands to just under a hundred, we've seen them all while taking tour routes for our annual college choir tour.

Sometimes, I think that we spend too much time focusing on the quantity of the worship. We count the hours of the service. Head to the church building Sunday mornings for worship, then trek back on Sunday nights for fellowship. Mark Bible studies and Wednesday night classes off our calenders. Hit up a few workshops. Host youth group events. Take part in a service project. While focusing & counting numbers in church attendance, we forget that these aren't just a specific number of hours we need to mark off to make some sort of "Heavenly Checklist" of good deeds & time spent in a church pew. We count up the offering given up by members. Sure the things & gifts we give are important & our congregational attendance helps our family to grow, we forget why we were called to worship. You can be involved in hundreds of "church sponsored" events, but not have your cup filled. We tend to spend all of our time focusing on quantity & numbers, rather than the actual quality of worship in which we are partaking in. We can dedicate our lives to serving, but not grow from our own helping hands.

The church service that our choir attended this tour was in Garden City, Kansas. We decided to visit during the middle of a snow storm, but made it to & from safely. I sat in the padded pew & listened to the preacher give a sermon on wearing the Armor of God. The song leader lead us in songs with chants of victory, battle cries, & not being afraid with God on our side. What I witnessed & took from this specific church gathering, was that this was an actual church family. These people were vulnerable to each other, genuine. They were open & honest about their fears, like when an elder stood up for the opening prayer, he cried to his family about the stress & worry he had concerning his mother's decisions to be made about her cancer treatments & options. During the communion table talk, the speaker pulled up his eight year-old son & spoke about a plague that could only be cured by the shedding of his son's blood, & he expressed how he would struggle with giving up his son to become the cure for all. He spoke on how Jesus' parents had to come to peace with knowing that that would be the outcome of their own son, & how Abraham was willing to sacrifice his son Isaac as an offering to God. What touched my heart the most though, was a young boy, who couldn't have been any older than nine years-old. He stood up in front of the congregation during the congregational sharing & announcement time to thank his spiritual family for their prayer concerning his friend who had been sick. I saw hope in this boy's eyes. He was so genuine & sincere in thanking his family members for their prayers & their concern for his friend's health. His innocent praise of thanks was heartfelt. It was truly a beautiful moments for me to witness. Then once finally all packed on the tour bus, our bus driver offered up a prayer over our journey & travels.

I witnessed a quality worship time while in Garden City. For what I am extremely thankful. The quality of the worship I witnessed this morning gave me hope of being a part of a strong, spiritual family. I all too often fear that there won't be a spiritual influence in my life, but then God slides on in & throws in a "don't worry, baby, I've got you, always." Sometimes God's face is found on young boys. I saw my hope in that little boy today, & I am thankful for times like today that I am able to see God at work.

My cup is full.

Peace & love.
B.

{Published}

When I set out to write new posts on here, I really struggle most times to even come up with a topic that is relevant to me. Sure you can hit up the topics of gratefulness, & thankfulness, & family during holiday seasons. Joy & being carefree comes with spring & summer. Stress & anxiety comes with midterms. Relationships always hit some sort of curve ball when you hit winter. But I always struggle with not being generic. Then at the end of it, I realize that I'm not being honest with myself & that these are things that I really need to express myself on, that's why I started this blog in the first place!

I always sit down, laptop in front of me, usually a cup of coffee beside me, ready to blog. Blogging is almost like a marathon, where you have to type & type, & then if you for some reason stop, to fix a typo, or someone distracts you, then you lose all train of thought & you're stuck drinking the entire cup of coffee next to you & then your refill & you have absolutely no idea what your main point was to even start with. So then you head right back to the drawing board, & before you know it, you're on refill number six or seven, have three or four different drafts typed up, or you're stuck just staring at a blank computer screen wondering why your life isn't more eventful. Okay, so maybe it's just me. Maybe I'm some sort of obsessive blogging freak who wants to change the world with only nine followers...

I set out with my mind locked & loaded on writing a blog post & it does nothing but make me feel like my life is all but normal for a girl who lives in the middle of Nebraska, at a conservative Christian college, rocking both a suit jacket & pom poms for school activities, just trying to complete a degree that I signed up for when I was 18 years old. Normal.

Here's the deal, every time I sit down to write one of these blog posts, I obsess with it being perfect. I read over it about 102 times, try to fix all my spelling errors, which most of the time doesn't really do much because I always notice them after I hit the PUBLISH button, & do nothing to make my blog stand out. The font size & type always reads NORMAL. My blog format is SIMPLE. I set out with the dreams & desires to change, but then I get to my prime stomping ground & platform area of followers, I resort back to the same ole, same ole, & it is frustrating.

I try to change the world, but struggle to find a way to change myself. You know the saying old habits die hard? Well for me, my old habit is biting my fingernails. I know that may be gross to some of you, well that's because it is, but I seriously cannot cut this habit! I've tried the nail polish trick, I've tried just keeping them trimmed short. I have tried time after time to quit this habit, but I cannot figure out how to cut it out of my system. Life comes with a lot of habits, daily routines that we fall into. Wake up, do one thing, then the next, until the end of the day rolls around you set your alarm & wake up the next day to do it again. Since when did life have to become so boring?

I know everybody has dreams & aspirations, there's places you want to be & see, people you want to meet & know, things you want to be & do. Life is supposed to be exciting. But just like my blog posts, they're normal. Nothing extraordinary. True story, I wanted to be a writer not too long ago. I wanted to write books. I think the part of me wanting to be a writer is funny because I hate to read. So why I desired to write a book is beyond me, but I wanted it, more than anything. I came up with these super generic story lines that fit into a high school girl's mindset & desires, & over & over re-wrote the same over-dramatic, extreme climax novel with the same characters, just in different forms & with new names. I was like the female version of Nicholas Sparks, just less famous, & a few movies behind.

This is now my writing outlet. & I let anyone read it. It's not extraordinary or super enticing. It's just some chick from Iowa, living in Nebraska, trying to break the routine of life. & you know once you figure out that life can be more exciting outside of your penciled in schedule, you begin to see the joy in summer, become thankful for your family around the holidays & everyday in between, recognize which relationships mean the most to you, & put aside your stresses & anxiety as you go about your carefree ways of life.

Peace & love.
B.

{Mind Over Matter}

So birthdays, those are a thing. Crazy how another year can go through triumphs, knock downs, set back, accomplishments, and then flip around in circles thousands of times. But in the end, you just up your age, & move on to the next day. I have never been the biggest fan of birthdays, mainly because I've cried on my birthday for the past several years, but hey maybe that was because I was stuck eating gluten-free? Who knows, not important anymore.

Sure you can add another year on to your age count, you accomplish mile markings like: "Pre-teen," "Teenager," "Can drive a car," "Buy a lottery ticket," "Can vote," "Beat teenage pregnancy," "First legal drink," "Over the hill," "Mid-life crisis," "Menopause." Decades mark your age, your body begins to show it. But what is growing up? Is it your age, or is it your mental state.

I'm sure we can all name several people in our immediate & relational lives that we deem as 'immature' for their given age. They still act like "boys" or "middle school girls,"
& what we do is roll our eyes & avoid them at all costs in order to save our I.Q. points. I think that these maturity absences create a gap between people. In relationships specifically, there has to be a mutual mature mindset which the relationship is centered around.

Just like in college, you wouldn't throw a freshman into an upper level core course class. There are prerequisites that must be taken in order to fully fulfill the requirements of the course. Just like in life, there are requirements to growing up, & that all starts with your mind. Sure, physical maturity plays a huge role in growing up, but let's not demean the mental aspect.

A few months ago, I stumbled across a posting from right when I turned 16. It's funny to me, at the time I wrote it, I'm sure I thought I had everything right, felt pretty confident in myself, because you know, everyone at age 16 is so mentally mature... Ha but let's be real, that hopefully was not my peak.

Here's that posting, just for a little enjoyment for you all, & a throw back to little ole sophomore in high school Bailey, also, please enjoy the awkward cake photos:

Some say I've grown up, to me I'm still that little farm-girl who is three years old licking snow off the ground. I don't like to think that I'm growing up and getting older, that leads me closer and closer to being on my own, sure I'm so ready for that, but not yet, not right now anyways. 

I want to be the 16 year old who: ...thinks of myself as strong on the inside.  

...is always there for people when they just need someone to talk to or just a friendly hello  

...is a caring friend and fun to be with  

...believes in herself  

...doesn't care what other people think of her, but of what she thinks she can be  

...does her personal best at everything she tries  

...focuses in class and doesn't sleep  

...makes her parents and family proud with the choices she makes  

...is a friend and loves everyone  

...doesn't judge other people by their outside appearance 

...shows God's love in her actions   

...is happy and smiles for no reason 

Okay, not bad, kind of sappy, kind of dorky, but it was goals that were driving me. I set these mental goals for myself, that I then have gone & broken every single one of them since then, but that's besides the point. I wanted to be a good person. A person who loves & cares. It does break my heart to know that I do fail though. Growing up, & maturity takes steps forwards, & steps backwards.

I could set goal after goal again in my life right now as I prepare to finish college this May. To enter the "mature world of adults" BLEH. I can sit in the kitchen of my apartment, up way too early for my 8 am class, fret about the next step in life, praying to find peace, looking for patience in God's timing, just searching for the right timing & answers. Thinking, "So this is what it feels like to be an adult" & then preparing for the day. But then at the end of this day, turns into a new day that makes me just one day older, one more day of experience, one more day of joy & love. & I'm content, and pleased at where I'm going to be.

"A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones." -Proverbs 17:22

Peace & love.
B.

{Be}

I've spent a lot of time recently thinking about my future. Mostly because my future is approaching faster than I would like it to, but otherwise I think about what I don't have planned out. I think a lot about what comes after 10:00 am on May 2nd. Quite honestly, I have no idea what I'm doing or what's going on. When people ask what I want to do with my life, I wouldn't be surprised if I stayed & waited tables in small town Nebraska for the next 100 years. In a way, my future is exciting, but in another way, it is terrifying. I'm scared of not having a plan. I'm scared of being alone in the adult world. I've been thinking about who I will be, what I will be, where I will be, & what I will be doing. The word "be" scares me.

My whole life, especially in the past several years, that word has been the name that has defined me, it has held a sort of premise of a nickname in my life. But now, I come across an identity crisis with being 'Bee.' I thought my life would be on this set plan; a perfectly timed out & detailed scale & schedule. I thought that I'd be older & that, somehow, I'd be wise beyond my years. That I'd have some sort of sense of what it really means to be an adult. Well I'm young, poor, under-experienced in the "life" department, & a little clueless of how to manage myself in a big world full of opportunities. Opportunities to make choices & to make mistakes. But what I didn't expect was to not even have a Plan B when my story tale Plan A didn't follow through like I would have liked it to. Now I'm forced with this struggle of being something that I have absolutely no idea how to be.

It's funny, you know, how a simple word, with only two letters, can scare you more than almost any other word scripted from the remaining twenty-four letters in our English alphabet. See, I thought I had it all planned out, drawn out, & worked out, but now I don't want to get out. I'm faced every single day with the ominous question of: now what do you want to be? The possibilities of being something are endless, most often rewarding, but I'm too scared to take a leap of faith & dive into something that may be wrong. I say I don't want to continue with school, because let's be honest, I hate it. & though I am more than thankful for my education, I think it's time for me to turn in my last assignment. If only extra-curricular activities track was an actual degree plan, but I guess communications is pretty close in the running with them. There's thoughts raging through my mind like: Maybe I picked the wrong school from the start. Maybe I decided on the wrong major. Maybe I just wasted thousands of dollars to just want to start all over. All of these 'maybes' are freaking me out.

My main struggle is thinking that my non-existent Plan B isn't going to work out.

Most kids graduate college in their early twenties. They may claim to live an adult-like life, but still resemble a child in more ways than they would an adult. Some still may be lacking in the area of good decisions. Some may have never had the chance to be their own adult because their parents have been feeding them like baby birds their whole lives. Most of the time, a college graduate is sent out into the world still resembling a child, but fitting into an adult-sized body. They think they can take on a full adult life load; a family, a career, bills, a home, the works. But the truth is, we don't even know what we're doing out here! We plaster a smile on our faces & grind our teeth at night. Call our best friends crying & then turn around to tell our parents that we are doing just fine. It's a class act that we have learned to master. Some of us, grow up & out of it, while others wallow & grieve while digging themselves into a miserable hole.

The struggle & issue with the 'be' in being is that we don't understand it's full meaning. We don't quite understand the full potential those two letters can carry. The true definition is doing, not being. Yes, you may be a human being, but it is your human doings that will take you places. That will accomplish tasks, & that will help your life to move forward. Your human doing will be the result of your being.

So while I fret & while I worry, I'm wasting time. No, I don't have a Plan B or a Plan C, or a plan for any of the rest of the alphabet, in any language. Sitting around, pulling my hair out, & stressing over things that won't be so important in the long run, won't result in me getting things done.

"Come to me, all you who are weary & burdened, & I will give you rest." - Matthew 11:28

Peace & love.
B.

{Listening}

I believe in the power of prayer. I believe that there is someone, some creative power out in this world that hears me, that loves me, that watches over me. Sometimes, though I wonder if my words are really being transported & translated in the way that I intended them to be. I know we can all relate to being deep in a thought of prayer, then ramble off something, & immediately wanting to suck in our words, or get embarrassed because we said something in the wrong way. I sometimes convince myself that there is a sonic gap, or a massive layover time between when the words formed on my lips evaporate into the air, until they land on precious ears.

Faith is a weird thing to me. How can I be so in love with an unseen, unknown force? The idea of God, the Creator of the universe, knowing & hearing my every word, my every thought, seeing my every action, & who already knows my outcome, just boggles my mind. How can I, a farm girl with big city dreams, be so important in the grand scheme of things? How is it that He hears not only my prayers, but the prayers of billions of people. How does He translate my messages & give me the answers that I am searching for? Why on earth is my story so important, & why do I matter? In human eyes, we are all just another human, placed into different groups due to status, culture, income, race, & gender. But in the eyes of the Father, we are individuals. We are precious souls. There is no comparison for me to you, or him to her. That's what blows my mind! It is unfathomable to think of another human as a completely separate for everyone & everything. My not being judged by someone or compared & contrasted to another being seriously is the most bizarre thing. & that's just the crazy thing about God. He just does. He is.

I can recall times where I literally am so consumed with pain, so overwhelmed with life, so incandescently unavailable in my own world that all I can do is mutter letters that don't form specific words. Where my tears of pain turn into tears of sorrow. When my heart is broken out on my sleeve & I need someone to sew it back together. But then feel the comfort of something greater than me when my soul is beaten down. I often recall the story of Hannah as she begs & pleads with God to give her a son, just one little baby boy. When Samuel sees her, he thinks she is drunk, but once he listens to her, he feels her pain & offers what he can as a priest in the Temple to help her find peace in her pain & sorrow. I often feel God holding me through other peoples' arms. I hear the comfort of His voice through other peoples' words. When my broken body is repaired by someone else's gentle, dirty hands, I feel the healing of my Father.

I've had so many great opportunities in the past few months to begin the re-development of new prayer life & verbal relationship with God. I started to really focus on my prayers when I began to feel lost, when I began to wonder where God was in my life. When I was alone & disappointed, I grab the thing I was most comfortable holding; a pen. I began to write. As I wrote, I prayed. Writing my every thought on pages after pages of my prayer journal. My writings began to be my readings, my prayers. The words I wrote began to be the words I spoke out loud. There have been many times when I've spend day after day saying the same prayer over & over until it sounded so much like a drone that even I began to think that my methods were wrong. I have really struggled to continue to find new values in individual prayers & praises. We're taught as young Christians to build a relationship with God through prayer, but I have really struggled to remain genuine in my thoughts & words to God throughout my faith walk. I have to constantly remind myself, & stop myself to think of how the Lord as truly, genuinely blessed me, & how I will try to honor & thank Him for the beauty in my life.

What I've realized recently, is that prayer doesn't have to be one sided. It is a conversation. It is verses, & songs, cadences, repetitive lines of praise, of thanks, & hopes. Prayer to me is refreshing. Have you ever sat down in a dark room, no noise, no distractions, just the sound of your breath bouncing off walls? That's my favorite place to pray. Where I can lament to God in a way that He will only see me. Where I let Him fill the dark room with light. I'm not trying to make up a mystical setting, or for you to all think that I sit alone in dark rooms often, but sometimes that is the therapy we just need. Where we can be removed from the world & its noise & chaos. Where we are focused on breathing & listening for God to move about us.

God uses people in different ways; He speaks in many forms, takes on many shapes & faces. But in the end, He is always listening. From our first cry to our last breath & then everywhere far & in between, He has his ear turned to us. To comfort us when we whimper & moan. To hug us when we're lost & to give us comfort when we grieve. Though we can't see Him, I know that through people, God is always around me. Always using other's to show me Himself. I don't ever know when God is using me, but I hope he does. I hope my my soul is a shining light to those around me.

I believe in the power of prayer, because I believe in the power of God.

Peace & love.
B.

{Wedding-Zilla}

From the time I was nine until this year, I could tell you every detail of the wedding I was going to have. The flowers, the colors, the dress, the food, the cake, the shoes, my bridesmaids (which have changed a few members throughout the years), how old I would be. & if you want to know what my wedding will look like, please feel free to check out my Pinterest board dedicated to all things that I cannot afford. Shoot, I have a pin that has been re-pinned over 2000 times, that should almost make me famous & I believe that I should start gain at least some sort of product commission! I've always set my life on the schedule & in my head I told myself it would be perfect. Just one minor detail, you might have guessed, the groom, is still undecided.

I could've told you about how I'd be happily engaged, at least by the age of 21, & with that deadline nearing, I see my chances of my perfect life timeline falling slimmer & slimmer every passing day.

I watch as my sister prepares to be a bride. I stand by her side as her maid-of-honor as she unwraps gifts after gifts at showers, as she goes through color schemes, & bouquet arrangements. I helped her put on her perfect dress, even as a joke, I said, "This is the one." But she rang a bell & said yes to the dress regardless of my jokes. Who knew I had such a knack for picking such things out.

I lived & breathed wedding after wedding when I was younger. Playing the role of flower girl in several weddings only fed to my fire to have an extravagant wedding of my own one day. I remember feeling so incredibly jealous of other girls who were asked to be in a wedding I wasn't in, so jealous that it would just eat at my insides through the whole ceremony. Some might call it just being a flower girl-zilla, but that zilla-ness has given me a run for my money during my sister's whole wedding process, & I've really had to cool my tail so I don't turn into maid-of-honor-zilla, too.

My whole life, I've just wanted a wedding.

But it hasn't been until recently that I've wanted more than just a wedding day, but every single day after I say "I do." Sure, a wedding is great fun, full of joy & the gathering of two families, but I want more than that. I want times where I am so poor that I go to the grocery store & calculate down to the last penny what I can spend on food. Where the only thing keeping my house warm at night is tension between the bed sheets. I want the struggles & the fights, the times where I literally have nothing but him. I want more than a wedding, I want a marriage. Where I can just look one person in the eye, whether is dry or misty, & know that that person will be by my side through all of my mood swings, through all of the good & bad, through all the medical bills & school loans & thousands of dollars in debt.


I watch my sister as she prepares for a marriage. She takes careful consideration of finances, of job security, of her own, & her fiance's happiness. & I can't help but be jealous of that. I always wanted a fairy tale, & my sister is getting my dream. Marrying her childhood sweetheart. Finding out that after 17 years of friendship, comes many more years of love.

I'm no expert on relationships. I'm in college, I'm barely an adult, I struggle to remember to put my contacts in in the mornings. But what I do know, is a marriage takes more than a now & then. It takes a system of give & take. You have to forgive. You have to build up. I've watched both my parents & grandparents give me the perfect examples of a Christ-centered marriage that I want to someday have. My Grammy & Pawpaw just celebrated their 49th wedding anniversary. My parents will be celebrating their 25th this November.

I don't want just a wedding, I want a forever & always. I want for those to be the words I declare when I announce my love. Not just a right now, not just a "when I feel like it," not when it's convenient to you or to me. ALL THE TIME.

& who knows, maybe God's big plan is for me to be single my whole life. But you know what I say to that? I say, gladly. I would rather be single than to have a marriage that has no love. I never want to have to give back the ring that I was given as a token of love.

As I watch my sister prepare for this marriage, I feel myself grow jealous of her being adored. But in a way that I wish I was getting married, (because trust me, Dylan & I would just not work out,) I'm jealous that she found the guy who will treat her like she is the most precious of gold, who will make her laugh at any time of day, who will give his everything to make her happy. I'm glad I got the experience of watching her fall in love. Just one more example to look up to, I guess.

Congratulations to my older sister, Jordan, & Dylan!

I want more than a wedding, & a ring, & a dress, or the personalized hashtag on InstaGram. I want pure, selfless love, not only do I want to receive it, but I want to give it as well.

From a very wise man, named Herb, I received the best words advice that I have ever heard in my life: "Baby, if his number one goal isn't to get you to heaven, then he isn't worth your time." So I pray that we all wait for him, or you fellas out there shamelessly reading my blogpsosts, wait for her. May God be the center of all of our relationships


Peace & love.
B.

{Change}

I started my education career in 1999 at the age of five & half. To me, that seems like forever ago. To other people, specifically my mom, it seems like not too long ago. Today, I had my last first day of school: I started the journey of what will be my final year in college.

1999- First Day on the bus in Kindergarten

Ever since we were little, my brother & sisters posed for the camera every first day of school so that Mom had documentation of how cute we were. The back pack sizes vary, some larger, some smaller. My parents should've taken stock out in Crayola with the amount of school supplies we bought every year. But somehow, at the end of each school year, came summer which lead into another school year. But for me, this was my last summer, summer. Before I take a hold of the big girl life, find a big girl job, & do big girl things.

2003- Madison (Kindergarten) Bailey (3rd Grade) Jordan (5th Grade)

I have mixed feelings about being a college senior. Mainly because I still look like a high school freshman, but because it doesn't seem too long ago that I was just starting college. I can remember starting my first day of 7th grade. I was so nervous. When 9th grade rolled around I spend the whole night before sitting in the bathroom sick to my stomach. The first night I had alone in my dorm room as a freshman in college, I cried myself to sleep because I was so scared. I can't tell you why I was scared, why I was nervous, but it is just something about change in a person's life that can jack up someone's anxiety level in a matter of minutes.

2002- First Day of 2nd Grade (note the broken finger)

Change is something that happens in everyone's lives. Change is inevitable. Nothing is ever the same. No situation can ever be repeated. No words that leave your lips can ever be taken back or go unheard. Change isn't something I have always accepted, my whole life I've resented change. I have just wanted things to stay the same. It is so hard for me to be away from the life that I knew growing up, with three of my four best friends from high school still living back in or around my hometown, it is hard for me to see them still getting to live the beautiful lives we started there. It is almost a jealousy that they see their families, that they get to see the streets we would cause mayhem on. But just like my life continued in a different state, at a different place, their loves continued on to new places, too.

May 2011- The Crescent Trio (Emily, Danielle, & I) with our 3rd, 4th, & 6th grade teacher, Mr. Ryan, several years later on his last day of school before retirement. Oh the memories we have.

I can look back through old pictures of elementary school, junior high school, high school. See pictures of speech tournaments, proms, homecomings. Remember the events of cross country trips & show choir competitions. There's picture after picture of me with my best friends. There's boyfriends after boyfriends. Halloween costumes & Christmas presents. Homecoming & prom courts. Football jersey Fridays. Birthday parties & hay-rack rides. Senior pictures. Elementary class promotions & high school graduations. I can remember feeling so grown up as I collected my high school diploma, but looking back now, I can only think of how young I was, how naive, how I was so sheltered from the world. Not to ever say any of this was bad. I was more than blessed with four fantastic best friends that were all over the scale in personalities & taste in boyfriends. My parents were nothing but supportive of my sports decisions. I had the opportunity to run on a cross country team with two of my sisters, & be in a competitive with my sister. Through all of my life experiences, I learned that change can be good. That change should be accepted.

2011- First day of 12th Grade

Just like hairstyles, & fashion trends, things come back, things stay locked in the vault of the past. You learn lessons as you grow older. Everything has a consequence, however, some maybe be bad, there is always the chance for a reward. 

It's funny, how at 18, when your car is loaded down with shoes & clothes ready to hit the highway to your new college adventure, you think you've got the world figured out. But once you're alone that night, you realize you forgot how to make friends because the ones you had were there since your elementary years, or take classes that have curriculum that blows way over your head but fight through anyways. Now that you've got a couple years under your belt, life has been experienced & you are finally comfortable with being an "adult" you find out that in nine short months, your life will once again change. 

August 2012- Headed off to college with my baby sister!

If I had decided to keep things the same,  then I wouldn't have some of the most interesting, compassionate, & fun people in my life. I wouldn't have been a college cheerleader or got to be elected Freshman Class senator or Vice President of the college concert choir. I would've missed out on falling in love with the study of speech communication theory. & never would have met some of the best social club sisters ever. Theta Psi, til I die!

Embrace the life that has been given to you. God will always make changes. Lately, He has made His way back into my life. He changed things so that the most important thing in my life would be Him.

August 27, 2014- The "first day of my Senior Year at York College" selfie

The plan that God has for you is greater than what you could come up with. Allow His changes. Let Him take the lead, & don't worry, you won't ever be alone.

Good luck to all of those students out there, from pre-K to graduate school! May you have a blessed school year!

Peace&love.

B.

{Attention, folks}

Just like any other person, I want attention. It isn't like I feel like a fly on the wall or that I'm invisible to others, but I want people to notice me. I have a performer's attitude, & with that, I have this desire to be the biggest personality in the room. I want to laugh the most & the loudest. I want to tel the funniest jokes or stories, & do quirky little things that might be slightly embarrassing or awkward, but things I know will bring attention to my direction.

I can walk around on a busy city street sidewalk wearing shorts and a crop top, & feel completely confident in the way I look. But I roll my eyes or get disgusted when I get whistled at or cat-called by someone near by. I don't wear the clothes to be immodest, I wear them because I feel good in them, however. I send other people the message, "Go ahead & look" all while I'm thinking, "Go ahead & look, but don't look for too long, & definitely do not touch or talk to me." See, I'm sending out all the wrong signals for attention. I call men pigs when I'm dressed like a bucket of slop.

I'll admit it, I'm blessed. I know good make up tricks. I can throw a curl or two in my hair & make it look descent. I'm a naturally slender body type, so finding clothes that flatter me isn't too difficult. But because I may appear beautiful on the outside, by society's standards, doesn't mean I'm always beautiful on the inside. Don't get me wrong, it is perfectly okay to love yourself & to be confident in the way you look. It's okay to do a power pep talk in the mirror & say, "dang, I look good!" But there is a thin line between confidence & arrogance. All too often, I catch myself crossing that line, even if it's just a tiny bit.

This generation, this age, right now, is all about the selfie. It's all about how many likes or favorites, or retweets you can get on a Facebook, or Twitter, or Instagram post. It is all for attention. Yes, there are things that should have attention drawn to them, but not everything needs to be posted, not every detail of your life should be posted on the internet or out in cyber space for the whole world to see. I promise, I'm preaching to the choir here, because I am the queen of the selfie. The inventor o a front facing camera was a genius. However, it has turned this age into a conceited, self-glorifying, narcissistic group of people.

Or God created beautiful things, & all of us are product of His creation. 

So you're feeling yourself today, thinking you look good & the world needs to know this. So go ahead, snap that selfie with the right lighting, perfect background, & add the filter that makes you look tan, but be sure that your self-glorification does not stand in the way of you glorifying & honoring you Savior.

You may have pretty eyes, a pretty face, or a nice body, but don't forget about the beautiful heart that was placed inside of you. Everyone, you, me, them, us, all have the potential to make your heart & soul outshine what we see on the outside. Embrace the joy in your spirit & don't suppress it with the ugliness of your desire for negative, selfish attention.

Peace & love.
B.