Just like any other person, I want attention. It isn't like I feel like a fly on the wall or that I'm invisible to others, but I want people to notice me. I have a performer's attitude, & with that, I have this desire to be the biggest personality in the room. I want to laugh the most & the loudest. I want to tel the funniest jokes or stories, & do quirky little things that might be slightly embarrassing or awkward, but things I know will bring attention to my direction.
I can walk around on a busy city street sidewalk wearing shorts and a crop top, & feel completely confident in the way I look. But I roll my eyes or get disgusted when I get whistled at or cat-called by someone near by. I don't wear the clothes to be immodest, I wear them because I feel good in them, however. I send other people the message, "Go ahead & look" all while I'm thinking, "Go ahead & look, but don't look for too long, & definitely do not touch or talk to me." See, I'm sending out all the wrong signals for attention. I call men pigs when I'm dressed like a bucket of slop.
I'll admit it, I'm blessed. I know good make up tricks. I can throw a curl or two in my hair & make it look descent. I'm a naturally slender body type, so finding clothes that flatter me isn't too difficult. But because I may appear beautiful on the outside, by society's standards, doesn't mean I'm always beautiful on the inside. Don't get me wrong, it is perfectly okay to love yourself & to be confident in the way you look. It's okay to do a power pep talk in the mirror & say, "dang, I look good!" But there is a thin line between confidence & arrogance. All too often, I catch myself crossing that line, even if it's just a tiny bit.
This generation, this age, right now, is all about the selfie. It's all about how many likes or favorites, or retweets you can get on a Facebook, or Twitter, or Instagram post. It is all for attention. Yes, there are things that should have attention drawn to them, but not everything needs to be posted, not every detail of your life should be posted on the internet or out in cyber space for the whole world to see. I promise, I'm preaching to the choir here, because I am the queen of the selfie. The inventor o a front facing camera was a genius. However, it has turned this age into a conceited, self-glorifying, narcissistic group of people.
Or God created beautiful things, & all of us are product of His creation.
So you're feeling yourself today, thinking you look good & the world needs to know this. So go ahead, snap that selfie with the right lighting, perfect background, & add the filter that makes you look tan, but be sure that your self-glorification does not stand in the way of you glorifying & honoring you Savior.
You may have pretty eyes, a pretty face, or a nice body, but don't forget about the beautiful heart that was placed inside of you. Everyone, you, me, them, us, all have the potential to make your heart & soul outshine what we see on the outside. Embrace the joy in your spirit & don't suppress it with the ugliness of your desire for negative, selfish attention.
Peace & love.
B.
Wednesday, August 20, 2014
Monday, August 4, 2014
{The Secret To Life}
I know what a low is. I know what it feels like to make it to rock bottom, & I'm not just talking about the Spongebob version of rock bottom. I know the days when you have no motivation, no drive. Where you just feel like you're going through the motions of life, waking up, sitting around, going to sleep, then doing it again the next day. Trust me, I've done it, been through it. You aren't supposed to have a mid-life crisis at the age of 20, unless it's God's way of telling you that you'll only live until the age of 40. So yeah, I'm no expert. I'm no super woman character. I'm just a human, & that's just life.
If you don't have the downs, then how are you supposed to know that you need to appreciate the ups?
Let's face it, almost every one, every normal, ordinary human being, that is, has experienced some sort of life wrecking event. But guess what!? God willing, you wake up the next day, & the day after that.
Happiness is a choice. It is a state of mind. Be grateful for the life you live, for what you have. For the people you love, & for those who love you back.
You have to choose to be dissatisfied.
Goodness, people! Love your life! No matter what, someone has it worse off than you. & if you think that you're the worse off in the world, think again.
One of the things I can't stand most about humanity is how we are never content, never fully pleased, that nothing can completely fulfill the happiness inside of us.
Whenever I struggle to find joy in my life, I take out a notepad, & write down everything I am grateful for. From toilet paper to early morning coffee to a class session being cancelled for the day. Then I sit & pray thanking God for everything on my list. Sure, it seems silly, but why not take time to really focus on what you have?
Obviously, as Americans, we are extremely blessed. Incredibly blessed. Like God really did bless America. But Americans are the most dissatisfied, the least content, greediest of people. Clean water? Yeah, that's free. Public schooling? Yeah, that is offered to every child. Advanced medical care? Yeah, if you need it, we've got it. Churches on street corners? Yeah, we don't have to hide our religion or our beliefs. Wake up people. Why do we need more? Why is it so easy for us to get so down on life?
I'm headed down to Lewisville, Arkansas this week. I'm about to visit my 96 year old great grandmother, for what may be the last time this side of heaven. This woman has lived the most joy-filled life. No, not everything was easy. She grew up with a hardworking father & a pistol Annie mother. They moved from place to place. Owned The Henbest Canning Company, she saw a $1,000 dollar bill, worked through the Great Depression, has laid to rest her first & only husband. Never have I met someone with so much genuine joy in their heart. She doesn't ask for much. Grandmother, just enjoys
If you don't have the downs, then how are you supposed to know that you need to appreciate the ups?
Let's face it, almost every one, every normal, ordinary human being, that is, has experienced some sort of life wrecking event. But guess what!? God willing, you wake up the next day, & the day after that.
Happiness is a choice. It is a state of mind. Be grateful for the life you live, for what you have. For the people you love, & for those who love you back.
You have to choose to be dissatisfied.
Goodness, people! Love your life! No matter what, someone has it worse off than you. & if you think that you're the worse off in the world, think again.
One of the things I can't stand most about humanity is how we are never content, never fully pleased, that nothing can completely fulfill the happiness inside of us.
Whenever I struggle to find joy in my life, I take out a notepad, & write down everything I am grateful for. From toilet paper to early morning coffee to a class session being cancelled for the day. Then I sit & pray thanking God for everything on my list. Sure, it seems silly, but why not take time to really focus on what you have?
Obviously, as Americans, we are extremely blessed. Incredibly blessed. Like God really did bless America. But Americans are the most dissatisfied, the least content, greediest of people. Clean water? Yeah, that's free. Public schooling? Yeah, that is offered to every child. Advanced medical care? Yeah, if you need it, we've got it. Churches on street corners? Yeah, we don't have to hide our religion or our beliefs. Wake up people. Why do we need more? Why is it so easy for us to get so down on life?
I'm headed down to Lewisville, Arkansas this week. I'm about to visit my 96 year old great grandmother, for what may be the last time this side of heaven. This woman has lived the most joy-filled life. No, not everything was easy. She grew up with a hardworking father & a pistol Annie mother. They moved from place to place. Owned The Henbest Canning Company, she saw a $1,000 dollar bill, worked through the Great Depression, has laid to rest her first & only husband. Never have I met someone with so much genuine joy in their heart. She doesn't ask for much. Grandmother, just enjoys
God's creations. Blue Jays are her favorite birds. Rocking on her front porch is one her favorite past times. Just thinking about her puts so much joy in my heart. I didn't think it was possible to admire someone as much as I do my sweet grandmother.
Please, just wake up & smell the flowers, or the coffee, whichever you prefer, & find some sort of joy in your day. We owe it to each other, we owe it to ourselves, & we owe it to our Lord.
Peace & love.
B.
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I'm going to ask her the secret to living a happy life, & if she tells me, I'll let you all know too.
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Please, just wake up & smell the flowers, or the coffee, whichever you prefer, & find some sort of joy in your day. We owe it to each other, we owe it to ourselves, & we owe it to our Lord.
Peace & love.
B.
Thursday, July 24, 2014
{My Story}
I've always wanted to have some sort of story. You know, a testimony that everyone is so shocked to hear & then they see how you've overcome it. I've always just admired people who have gone through some hardship, but then they had some come-to-Jesus moment & their life got flipped around. That has always been so amazing to me, that a God can turn your entire life around on a moments notice. I am always searching for that moment in my life. I know that sounds weird, & strange, like why would you want something terrible & unfortunate to happen to you? It's a weird thing to wish & to look for. But so far, I don't think I've had a "moment" per say. Sure, there have been times in my life that I recognize as God giving me a V8 slap to the forehead, but not that big thing that astonishes everyone. See, I live a very simple, basic, average life. & nothing good ever comes from average, right?
Wrong.
Though I've never had that "moment" or that "story" to tell, there have been times where I feel God trying to pull me into Him. Trying to embrace me. To show me that His way is better than mine. I think almost anyone can name a specific time when they could almost physically feel God pulled them back into His safety.
But are there ever times where you just feel like Job? Where everything & anything is going wrong. Say you lost a job, got terrible grades, had a close death in the family, or a terminal illness diagnosis, or everything you had was destroyed in an instant? Where you are saying, "Okay God, I see you. I trust you." & you watch as things get worse & you pray for patience & guidance. & then once you feel like literally nothing else could go wrong, there is that sort of relief that things will be okay, that you will be just fine, that God will provide all that you need, because He is all that you need. & with this, you start to appreciate the small things in life, the simple beauties such as a child's laugh, or a fresh flower growing in the yard. Where you begin to see God's awesome, mighty power roaring & reigning in your life.
Or are there times when you just feel like Hannah. Where you're so far gone & so beaten down that words can't even be formed as they leave your lips. where you are crying so hard that you can't move, can't breathe. Where every breath you take feels like someone is suffocating you. Where you're literally on your hands & knees screaming "Here I am, God. Use me." & you scream it over & over until you physically cannot anymore. Then when no one else has faith in you, where you are yearning to have God take a hold of your life, that once He does, you take everything He gives you & promptly, & gladly return it to Him. You praise all that you see, that you have. Where the very thing you wanted was the first thing you promised to Him.
There are times when I am just laying in bed at night where I am feeling just like Job saying there is no way that anything can get worse, & putting all of my thoughts & words into prayer, hoping & trusting that there will be a way to find hope, a way to find joy, & peace. Or there are times I find myself just bawling saying "I don't know what you want me to do, Lord, but use me as your servant." It's like I am reaching & grabbing for something that I don't see, that I know is there, but can't find.
My biggest prayers this year have been to find peace & patience, & to stay joyful through all difficulties & all of the mayhem life has to offer. This year has been difficult. Many things have seemed to go wrong in my life, but even through it all, I go to bed thanking the God of all for my breath, for my life, for giving me the chance to show love & grace to others, as well as myself.
I am the type of person who is very empathetic. I feel for people, I am a sympathetic crier, & a softy when it comes to sob stories & other people's hardships, I feel for them, it honestly makes me hurt to see others in such pain. It breaks my heart to see news stories talking about violence, deaths, house fires, anything that could potentially devastate someone else's life at any moment, because I think, that could be me. That could be someone I know. Life is a game if chance, yes God has a plan for each of us, but we do not know that plan. We can't tell when a plane will go missing or be shot down, we don't wake up in the morning & say, "Hmm, I think my house will be destroyed by a tornado today." We don't go to the doctor wishing that he would diagnose us with an incurable disease. We don't wish for these things, we don't want these things, but they still happen regardless of our desires. My heart goes out to those who are hurting, I pray that those affected by war will one day be surrounded by peace. But life is a chance.
So as I am searching for this "story" that I am supposed to have, I realize, that I do't have to have some novel to tell to be a servant of God, to be a follower of Jesus, to be a lover of mankind, to be light in darkness. I just have to be average, & no matter what I am, be it ordinary or extraordinary, God is waiting to give me my calling, to give me my task, to show me my path, so that I can reach my goal. Just like all of the disciples, who were average men, God used them, just like Hannah, & just like Job, God will use me.
The only thing I need to be is open to Him.
Peace & love.
B.
Wrong.
Though I've never had that "moment" or that "story" to tell, there have been times where I feel God trying to pull me into Him. Trying to embrace me. To show me that His way is better than mine. I think almost anyone can name a specific time when they could almost physically feel God pulled them back into His safety.
But are there ever times where you just feel like Job? Where everything & anything is going wrong. Say you lost a job, got terrible grades, had a close death in the family, or a terminal illness diagnosis, or everything you had was destroyed in an instant? Where you are saying, "Okay God, I see you. I trust you." & you watch as things get worse & you pray for patience & guidance. & then once you feel like literally nothing else could go wrong, there is that sort of relief that things will be okay, that you will be just fine, that God will provide all that you need, because He is all that you need. & with this, you start to appreciate the small things in life, the simple beauties such as a child's laugh, or a fresh flower growing in the yard. Where you begin to see God's awesome, mighty power roaring & reigning in your life.
Or are there times when you just feel like Hannah. Where you're so far gone & so beaten down that words can't even be formed as they leave your lips. where you are crying so hard that you can't move, can't breathe. Where every breath you take feels like someone is suffocating you. Where you're literally on your hands & knees screaming "Here I am, God. Use me." & you scream it over & over until you physically cannot anymore. Then when no one else has faith in you, where you are yearning to have God take a hold of your life, that once He does, you take everything He gives you & promptly, & gladly return it to Him. You praise all that you see, that you have. Where the very thing you wanted was the first thing you promised to Him.
There are times when I am just laying in bed at night where I am feeling just like Job saying there is no way that anything can get worse, & putting all of my thoughts & words into prayer, hoping & trusting that there will be a way to find hope, a way to find joy, & peace. Or there are times I find myself just bawling saying "I don't know what you want me to do, Lord, but use me as your servant." It's like I am reaching & grabbing for something that I don't see, that I know is there, but can't find.
My biggest prayers this year have been to find peace & patience, & to stay joyful through all difficulties & all of the mayhem life has to offer. This year has been difficult. Many things have seemed to go wrong in my life, but even through it all, I go to bed thanking the God of all for my breath, for my life, for giving me the chance to show love & grace to others, as well as myself.
I am the type of person who is very empathetic. I feel for people, I am a sympathetic crier, & a softy when it comes to sob stories & other people's hardships, I feel for them, it honestly makes me hurt to see others in such pain. It breaks my heart to see news stories talking about violence, deaths, house fires, anything that could potentially devastate someone else's life at any moment, because I think, that could be me. That could be someone I know. Life is a game if chance, yes God has a plan for each of us, but we do not know that plan. We can't tell when a plane will go missing or be shot down, we don't wake up in the morning & say, "Hmm, I think my house will be destroyed by a tornado today." We don't go to the doctor wishing that he would diagnose us with an incurable disease. We don't wish for these things, we don't want these things, but they still happen regardless of our desires. My heart goes out to those who are hurting, I pray that those affected by war will one day be surrounded by peace. But life is a chance.
So as I am searching for this "story" that I am supposed to have, I realize, that I do't have to have some novel to tell to be a servant of God, to be a follower of Jesus, to be a lover of mankind, to be light in darkness. I just have to be average, & no matter what I am, be it ordinary or extraordinary, God is waiting to give me my calling, to give me my task, to show me my path, so that I can reach my goal. Just like all of the disciples, who were average men, God used them, just like Hannah, & just like Job, God will use me.
The only thing I need to be is open to Him.
Peace & love.
B.
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