{Recipe}

I never thought I would be the type of girl who would mourn the absence of her boyfriend when he leaves for work or for a weekend speech tournament. I never thought I would become so obsessed with the presence of him. My daily routine of seeing him as many minutes in a day as I possibly could has plagued me with an aching feeling that I can't match with anything else. I have never felt more complete, loved, & wanted than I do when I am with Joe.

This is how my relationship with the Lord works, too. & as much as i love Joe & would do absolutely anything in the world to serve him, I would do that much more to honor & glorify my God. You see I get my worldly fulfillment from Joe & am beyond blessed that my heart was opened to him, but my soul is sustained by my Lord & Creator.

First & foremost, I give myself to Him. From the beginning of our relationship, I told Joe that my heart belonged to God, & luckily, he has come to share a piece of it too. 

I've admired watching Joe's faith. Watching how he analyzes sermons & devotions, how he can depict out the smallest piece of an argument & cause the other person to really think about what they believe in & who they believe in. His faith & constant search for the real truth has brought me to find mine. 

Secondly, any young Christian girl sat through some Wednesday night purity class & they talked about their future husband. They listed traits that would describe him: hardworking, loving, handsome, funny. But a trait that usually made the cut would be "God-fearing." The classic good girl response & if you didn't put that one down first on the list then where did your priorities really lie, right? Not to say that you shouldn't desire that trait in your life partner, but have you ever realized that there is more than one version of a follower of Jesus Christ?

It took me a long time to come to terms with that. My man was to stand out but also blend in. To be called on day after day & Sunday after Sunday. He would have the respect of the elders & other members of the church. A lot of pressure. When I think of a Christian man, I think of my father. I think of my grandfathers. I think of my brother. So many other wonderful leaders I have had in my life. I have seen them work in the church. I have heard them praise. I have witnessed their broken hearts. I had a cookie cutter version of what I wanted my husband to be doing to express his faith & love for his savior. 

But finally, I was blessed with Joe. The man who I'm not going to see standing up every Sunday to lead praise & worship. Or be asked to say a prayer for every Lord's Table. He might be the one getting up to do announcements or reaching it to those who may be in financial, mental, spiritual, or physical conflicts. I see a man who will support & pour him whole self into a person or a project. A man who is driven by passion. 

One day, I told Joe to lead me. He said no, walk beside me. We've been hand in hand ever since. 

"Two are better than one, because they have a good return fir their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls & has no one to help them up. Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken." 

Ecclesiastes 4:9,10 & 12.

1Also, 12 Th

I don't want a gingerbread man, a cookie-cutter version of the Christian man picture I painted in my head many years ago.. I don't need a gingerbread man & his sugar coating & gumdrop buttons. I need someone who will put a bitter taste in my mouth that will help me to think, that will help me to challenge & try until I find my own recipe of faith.

God gave me my God-fearing man. In a way that I would have never expected.

Peace & love.
B.

{Thankfulness}

I don't think people realize how blessed their lives are. This past summer I have had many friends go on mission trips to places less fortunate than where we have come from. Some places were out of the country, across seas, & others were right here in our own backyard America. My good friend Karlie is heading to Africa in January 2016 to work with a group called The Mercy Project. She is following my friend Tyler's younger sister, Katey who is going to be working with the same mission. My friend Ally goes to Port Au Prince, Haiti every year to give back to an orphanage that has cleared a special place in her heart & I love to follow her story about her journey & her realization of God's love. York's beloved Beth Brock & Troy Kelly just headed to China to teach English for the next year. So many beautiful people are doing so many beautiful things for our Lord's Kingdom. I am so thankful for people like Karlie, Katey, Ally, Beth & Troy who are willing to go out & stretch themselves to their thinnest, to give up the luxuries they hold so dear & be the clay that God is so excited to mold. I am thankful for those who daily serve where hands are needy & food is scarce, where the water has deadly bacteria & the sun scorches their skin, but everyday praise the Lord continuously.

How are you contributing?

How am I contributing? How are we servicing our Father? How am I being a fisher of men?

I have struggled with knowing the right way for me to full heartedly serve my God. I don't know if my efforts in praise & worship are ever enough. Because unlike my mission driven friends & family, I've stayed put for all nearly twenty-two years of my life. I find my peace here in the Midwest. But that doesn't mean I can't go & be a servant for the Lord.

Constantly, I ask myself, how am I serving?

I work as a server in the food industry.  From about 11:30 until around 9:00 every Tuesday through Friday and then Saturday nights, I'm running hot plates of food to tables, refilling glasses of various beverages, rolling silverware, taking out trash, cleaning windows, along with a variety of other tasks required of this position. My feet hurt every day. My back hurts every day. My clothes get dirty. I spill things that make the floor dirty. But every day I leave my job thankful. 

My favorite couple comes in every day, Rollie & Annie. Though I don't always see them or speak with them, I know they've been in. They are an older couple who just melt my heart & bring me so much joy. I have never seen them not smile or say a cross word to the other. Out of habit, I always ask them how they are doing & Annie will always without a doubt answer, "thankful."

They are my daily reminder to be thankful for my own life. They’re my reminder to be a little nicer to the rude customers sitting at the corner table. They’re my reminder to refill drinks with a smile, even if it's after midnight or after a ten hour shift.

So today, I ask you to be thankful. I urge you to take a look at what you have, to evaluate the life you live. Are you thankful? Are you grateful? Are you filling your days with love? 

I’m thankful for my boyfriend. For the love that we get to share freely. I’m thankful for his new job & that he gets to go back to school & coach speech. I’m thankful for the puppy he bought me, even if she annoys me or tries to sit on my lap as I type this on the broken computer that I have, but am also thankful for. I’m thankful for the caffeine in the coffee I’m drinking. I’m thankful that our friend is loaning us a car to drive so that each f us can get to work every day. I am thankful for my bosses & how well the little town of McCool Junction has treated me for the past couple of years. I am so incredibly thankful for my family. My parents are a beautiful example of love. My sisters have taught me to share. My brother has taught me to work. I’m thankful for my “brother” Raymond who is always the first to jump up & greet Joe & me when we come back to visit & for my brother-in-law who is providing for my sister & being a spiritual leader in our family & church congregation. I could go on & on about the big & small things that I have in my life. My service to God is through thankfulness.

To the God who is faithful, I am thankful.

To help support Karlie and Katey, here are their GoFundMe links

Karlie Mountjoy: http://www.gofundme.com/sy2z98ng

Katey Cox: http://www.gofundme.com/y4vwd24

& Please remember to pray for those who are willing to work as the Lord’s missionaries & servants.

Peace & love.

B.

{Love Him}

I've always been a fixer. Growing up on a farm, I learned how to work most power tools. With a dad who can fix any problem on a car or tractor, I have always gone to him if there's something I cannot handle. I pick up on trades easily, it's a one & done learning type experience for me. Having a creative mind, I wanted to use my skills to create & craft. For example, I can unclog toilets, put filters on sink faucets, I know my way around a hand wood sander & hand drill just as well as any other guy out there. If it needs fixed, I can usually get it done, & usually with a little Bailey flare.

One thing I never thought I would have to try to fix would be the man I fell in love with. For those of you who don't know, my boyfriend has recently come out of a failed marriage. Never would I have thought that I would fall in love with what my faith would deem as a broken man. We've all got our baggage. I just never thought that this would be baggage I would have to mess with. As our relationship grew, I realized that I wasn't trying to fix this man, I was learning to love him.

Getting past the jealousy has been the hardest part, I'm not going to lie, not a day goes by that something isn't brought up in a major or lesser way. Never did I think that dealing with an ex-wife would be something I would need to prepare myself for, but it has been my reality. Knowing how to handle my emotions & feelings toward her has been a constant struggle for me. Learning to look past their past relationship has brought me a lot of internal struggle, but I've learned that looking towards a future has more benefits than dwelling on the past.

But still I continue to love him, day in, & day out.

Every now & then he'll ask me why I'm so understanding. Honestly, I can't give him an answer, because I don't know why. I've never been through this, I've never had to deal with this, nothing like this has ever been in my direct path of life. But through our relationship, I have seen my hope restored. Every day, he makes me smile & laugh. Every day, I am supported & encouraged. He has become my favorite adventure & most prized treasure.

John 15:11 "I have told you this so that my joy may be in you & that your joy may be complete."

Jesus loved a lot of people, a lot of sinners; those who were deemed broken in the eyes of religion. I'm not saying that our relationship is a charity, that this is my service to God for loving this broken & damaged man. We all have our sin we struggle daily with. Big or small, they're all just sins in the eyes of the Lord, I think too often we put a scale on "big" sins & "little" sins, but honestly, a sin, is a sin. I have fallen in love with him because he is a good man, even though he's a sinner, even tough he's broken. He is a kind & gentle man. He makes me smile & laugh. Every day with him is a blessing, is a joy. He makes my world a better place. He restores the happiness in my heart.

I know at the beginning, our relationship worried a lot of people. It worried people we were close to, & people we were not even remotely affiliated with. I was quite weary of it at first, to be honest, countless hours of prayer & hours of thought & conversation were put into the final outcome of our relationship, but allowing myself to actually get to know this man & to know him in strengths & in his weaknesses, only helped both of us to grow stronger, together. Recently, I learned that my grandparents were in a similar situation several decades ago, because my grandpa was able to look past his wife's divorce & still love her regardless. Without his love, I wouldn't be here. & recently, I've realized that I need to be a woman who will love my man, not try to fix him. Just like Jesus loved, rather than fixed.

1 John 4:19 "We love because he first loved us."

Quite honestly, the past six & a half months have been the most rewarding time of my life. I have experienced so much love, grown spiritually. I have learned to love, I mean really love & learn to trust. I never thought a divorced twenty-three year old man would be the one who would change my life, but because of Joseph, I am no longer a woman who tries to fix everything, but a woman who will try to love & encourage.

Song of Songs 3:4 "I have found the one whom my soul loves."

My soul is happy.
Peace & love.
B.