{Change}

I started my education career in 1999 at the age of five & half. To me, that seems like forever ago. To other people, specifically my mom, it seems like not too long ago. Today, I had my last first day of school: I started the journey of what will be my final year in college.

1999- First Day on the bus in Kindergarten

Ever since we were little, my brother & sisters posed for the camera every first day of school so that Mom had documentation of how cute we were. The back pack sizes vary, some larger, some smaller. My parents should've taken stock out in Crayola with the amount of school supplies we bought every year. But somehow, at the end of each school year, came summer which lead into another school year. But for me, this was my last summer, summer. Before I take a hold of the big girl life, find a big girl job, & do big girl things.

2003- Madison (Kindergarten) Bailey (3rd Grade) Jordan (5th Grade)

I have mixed feelings about being a college senior. Mainly because I still look like a high school freshman, but because it doesn't seem too long ago that I was just starting college. I can remember starting my first day of 7th grade. I was so nervous. When 9th grade rolled around I spend the whole night before sitting in the bathroom sick to my stomach. The first night I had alone in my dorm room as a freshman in college, I cried myself to sleep because I was so scared. I can't tell you why I was scared, why I was nervous, but it is just something about change in a person's life that can jack up someone's anxiety level in a matter of minutes.

2002- First Day of 2nd Grade (note the broken finger)

Change is something that happens in everyone's lives. Change is inevitable. Nothing is ever the same. No situation can ever be repeated. No words that leave your lips can ever be taken back or go unheard. Change isn't something I have always accepted, my whole life I've resented change. I have just wanted things to stay the same. It is so hard for me to be away from the life that I knew growing up, with three of my four best friends from high school still living back in or around my hometown, it is hard for me to see them still getting to live the beautiful lives we started there. It is almost a jealousy that they see their families, that they get to see the streets we would cause mayhem on. But just like my life continued in a different state, at a different place, their loves continued on to new places, too.

May 2011- The Crescent Trio (Emily, Danielle, & I) with our 3rd, 4th, & 6th grade teacher, Mr. Ryan, several years later on his last day of school before retirement. Oh the memories we have.

I can look back through old pictures of elementary school, junior high school, high school. See pictures of speech tournaments, proms, homecomings. Remember the events of cross country trips & show choir competitions. There's picture after picture of me with my best friends. There's boyfriends after boyfriends. Halloween costumes & Christmas presents. Homecoming & prom courts. Football jersey Fridays. Birthday parties & hay-rack rides. Senior pictures. Elementary class promotions & high school graduations. I can remember feeling so grown up as I collected my high school diploma, but looking back now, I can only think of how young I was, how naive, how I was so sheltered from the world. Not to ever say any of this was bad. I was more than blessed with four fantastic best friends that were all over the scale in personalities & taste in boyfriends. My parents were nothing but supportive of my sports decisions. I had the opportunity to run on a cross country team with two of my sisters, & be in a competitive with my sister. Through all of my life experiences, I learned that change can be good. That change should be accepted.

2011- First day of 12th Grade

Just like hairstyles, & fashion trends, things come back, things stay locked in the vault of the past. You learn lessons as you grow older. Everything has a consequence, however, some maybe be bad, there is always the chance for a reward. 

It's funny, how at 18, when your car is loaded down with shoes & clothes ready to hit the highway to your new college adventure, you think you've got the world figured out. But once you're alone that night, you realize you forgot how to make friends because the ones you had were there since your elementary years, or take classes that have curriculum that blows way over your head but fight through anyways. Now that you've got a couple years under your belt, life has been experienced & you are finally comfortable with being an "adult" you find out that in nine short months, your life will once again change. 

August 2012- Headed off to college with my baby sister!

If I had decided to keep things the same,  then I wouldn't have some of the most interesting, compassionate, & fun people in my life. I wouldn't have been a college cheerleader or got to be elected Freshman Class senator or Vice President of the college concert choir. I would've missed out on falling in love with the study of speech communication theory. & never would have met some of the best social club sisters ever. Theta Psi, til I die!

Embrace the life that has been given to you. God will always make changes. Lately, He has made His way back into my life. He changed things so that the most important thing in my life would be Him.

August 27, 2014- The "first day of my Senior Year at York College" selfie

The plan that God has for you is greater than what you could come up with. Allow His changes. Let Him take the lead, & don't worry, you won't ever be alone.

Good luck to all of those students out there, from pre-K to graduate school! May you have a blessed school year!

Peace&love.

B.

{Attention, folks}

Just like any other person, I want attention. It isn't like I feel like a fly on the wall or that I'm invisible to others, but I want people to notice me. I have a performer's attitude, & with that, I have this desire to be the biggest personality in the room. I want to laugh the most & the loudest. I want to tel the funniest jokes or stories, & do quirky little things that might be slightly embarrassing or awkward, but things I know will bring attention to my direction.

I can walk around on a busy city street sidewalk wearing shorts and a crop top, & feel completely confident in the way I look. But I roll my eyes or get disgusted when I get whistled at or cat-called by someone near by. I don't wear the clothes to be immodest, I wear them because I feel good in them, however. I send other people the message, "Go ahead & look" all while I'm thinking, "Go ahead & look, but don't look for too long, & definitely do not touch or talk to me." See, I'm sending out all the wrong signals for attention. I call men pigs when I'm dressed like a bucket of slop.

I'll admit it, I'm blessed. I know good make up tricks. I can throw a curl or two in my hair & make it look descent. I'm a naturally slender body type, so finding clothes that flatter me isn't too difficult. But because I may appear beautiful on the outside, by society's standards, doesn't mean I'm always beautiful on the inside. Don't get me wrong, it is perfectly okay to love yourself & to be confident in the way you look. It's okay to do a power pep talk in the mirror & say, "dang, I look good!" But there is a thin line between confidence & arrogance. All too often, I catch myself crossing that line, even if it's just a tiny bit.

This generation, this age, right now, is all about the selfie. It's all about how many likes or favorites, or retweets you can get on a Facebook, or Twitter, or Instagram post. It is all for attention. Yes, there are things that should have attention drawn to them, but not everything needs to be posted, not every detail of your life should be posted on the internet or out in cyber space for the whole world to see. I promise, I'm preaching to the choir here, because I am the queen of the selfie. The inventor o a front facing camera was a genius. However, it has turned this age into a conceited, self-glorifying, narcissistic group of people.

Or God created beautiful things, & all of us are product of His creation. 

So you're feeling yourself today, thinking you look good & the world needs to know this. So go ahead, snap that selfie with the right lighting, perfect background, & add the filter that makes you look tan, but be sure that your self-glorification does not stand in the way of you glorifying & honoring you Savior.

You may have pretty eyes, a pretty face, or a nice body, but don't forget about the beautiful heart that was placed inside of you. Everyone, you, me, them, us, all have the potential to make your heart & soul outshine what we see on the outside. Embrace the joy in your spirit & don't suppress it with the ugliness of your desire for negative, selfish attention.

Peace & love.
B.

{The Secret To Life}

I know what a low is. I know what it feels like to make it to rock bottom, & I'm not just talking about the Spongebob version of rock bottom. I know the days when you have no motivation, no drive. Where you just feel like you're going through the motions of life, waking up, sitting around, going to sleep, then doing it again the next day. Trust me, I've done it, been through it. You aren't supposed to have a mid-life crisis at the age of 20, unless it's God's way of telling you that you'll only live until the age of 40. So yeah, I'm no expert. I'm no super woman character. I'm just a human, & that's just life.

If you don't have the downs, then how are you supposed to know that you need to appreciate the ups?

Let's face it, almost every one, every normal, ordinary human being, that is, has experienced some sort of life wrecking event. But guess what!? God willing, you wake up the next day, & the day after that.

Happiness is a choice. It is a state of mind. Be grateful for the life you live, for what you have. For the people you love, & for those who love you back.

You have to choose to be dissatisfied. 

Goodness, people! Love your life! No matter what, someone has it worse off than you. & if you think that you're the worse off in the world, think again.

One of the things I can't stand most about humanity is how we are never content, never fully pleased, that nothing can completely fulfill the happiness inside of us.

Whenever I struggle to find joy in my life, I take out a notepad, & write down everything I am grateful for. From toilet paper to early morning coffee to a class session being cancelled for the day. Then I sit & pray thanking God for everything on my list. Sure, it seems silly, but why not take time to really focus on what you have?

Obviously, as Americans, we are extremely blessed. Incredibly blessed. Like God really did bless America. But Americans are the most dissatisfied, the least content, greediest of people. Clean water? Yeah, that's free. Public schooling? Yeah, that is offered to every child. Advanced medical care? Yeah, if you need it, we've got it. Churches on street corners? Yeah, we don't have to hide our religion or our beliefs. Wake up people. Why do we need more? Why is it so easy for us to get so down on life?

I'm headed down to Lewisville, Arkansas this week. I'm about to visit my 96 year old great grandmother, for what may be the last time this side of heaven. This woman has lived the most joy-filled life. No, not everything was easy. She grew up with a hardworking father & a pistol Annie mother. They moved from place to place. Owned The Henbest Canning Company, she saw a $1,000 dollar bill, worked through the Great Depression, has laid to rest her first & only husband. Never have I met someone with so much genuine joy in their heart. She doesn't ask for much. Grandmother, just enjoys 

God's creations. Blue Jays are her favorite birds. Rocking on her front porch is one her favorite past times. Just thinking about her puts so much joy in my heart. I didn't think it was possible to admire someone as much as I do my sweet grandmother.

I'm going to ask her the secret to living a happy life, & if she tells me, I'll let you all know too.

Please, just wake up & smell the flowers, or the coffee, whichever you prefer, & find some sort of joy in your day. We owe it to each other, we owe it to ourselves, & we owe it to our Lord.

Peace & love.
B.