{Let us Love.}

I will be the first to admit that I am the type of person who likes to hold grudges. I like to feel that if someone has wronged me for whatever reason, that O have the right and deserve to be mad or angry with them. That it is okay, because it was me who was hurt. But did Jesus die for me to be angry & to hate others? NO. He died for the exact opposite of that. We are called to love.

Taking the high road & being the bigger person isn't always the easiest, but when it comes down to it, that's exactly what Jesus did. There is no such thing as being too forgiving. When Jesus was about to be crucified, after He had been beaten, humiliated and spat upon, He asked God to forgive them for what those who were crucifying Him were doing. What I was doing. What YOU were doing. He was asking for forgiveness for us. ALL of us. His blood was poured out for MY sins. YOUR sins. Everyone reaps the benefit of His precious blood & sacrifice, even though there are many that don't even acknowledge that. But Jesus died so that we can be forgiven.

I'm an actress. I'm really good at acting like something is not bugging me or eating at me. To everyone I can play the part of being "OK" & that "nothing is wrong" but in all actuality, it's eating away at me. Fueling my hate fire. Burning me up. & while my hate and anger grow inside of me, the smile on my face becomes more & more fake with every passing minute to the point where I'm stuck holding in my tears & forcing out a laugh. Learning to forgive & forget like God does every day is one of the hardest lessons for me to take in. I find it very challenging to just move on, even after I said I forgave someone. It's a struggle for me to look at that person & not feel angry or hurt. But we are called to love. & if I am to love, then I need to move on, move past what is making me feel the hurt.

If we learn to forgive, I mean really forgive, then we will be able to do anything. Every day I think, "Thank you, God, for just giving me another second chance." We all need second chances because we're all human. There will all be times in our lives where we disappoint someone or hurt someone, even if we didn't mean to. But just like God, we need to show grace & mercy, because we are just as guilty as anyone else for sinning. "Philippians 4:13 "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." So let's forgive, & let's love.

Peace & love.
B.

{I feel pretty}

We live in a world that is based upon looks & appearances. Everyone is always looking for the next big trend or the next hottest item. We adorn ourselves with perfume & jewels. I'm not going to say that I don't like dressing up & looking nice, because I do, but lately I've realized I have spent more time working on the appearance that humans see & not the heart which God sees. Which has all led me to the question:

Which is prettier: your heart or your makeup. 

Living in today's world, we are taught by the American society that skinny is pretty. Rich is pretty. Stupid is pretty. But do money and looks get you into Heaven? We base our lifestyles off of what we see in the media. Shows like Jersey Shore and the Bachelorette teach us that the only way to have fun is to get drunk & that you can be paid to fall in love. Let's be real, life is so much more than that. It is so much more beautiful that what the media portrays it to be. We have this image of "pretty people" & the "fabulous lifestyle" so deeply implanted in our heads that it is virtually impossible to think ourselves as the best version of us & we constantly want improvement. But why are we so focused on being pretty on the outside when we can be gorgeous on the inside? 1 Samuel 16:7 says, "But the Lord said to Samuel, 'Do not look at his appearance or the height of his stature, for I have rejected him. For the Lord sees not as the man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.'" Simple enough, right? But with everyone so judgmental about the way we look, always focusing on our flaws instead of the beautiful features we were given. Everyone is beautiful in their own way, but we all have difficulty seeing that in each other, & ourselves.

We cake on makeup & put on our best dress just to go to the grocery store. & I'm sorry to say this, honey, but you're not going to get that great of a workout of you plan on going to the gym in heals, it just doesn't work that way. I have recently been thinking that we use this makeup to mask ourselves, to try to make ourselves more attractive & flawless. This makeup has become a security blanket for us to hide behind, I'm guilty of this too. I go through makeup like there's no tomorrow because I don't want people to see if I've got a zit or bags under my eyes. Instead of focusing on the natural beauty that I got blessed with, I try to cover it up because it's not perfect. Your beauty should be deeper than your makeup. Deeper than your outward appearance.

God looks at your heart, not your face or designer clothing. He looks at the simple thing that keeps you alive. So people, try not to focus on what society expects you to be, focus on what God wants you to be.

Peace & love.
B.

{A Joyful Life}

I've recently done some evaluating of my life. & what I've found isn't pleasing. I've looked at how I treated people, things I have said, things I have done. & I've been disappointed. I've always thought that I was better than the world, that I'm not the type to give into worldly things all because God was on my side. Yes, God was there, but He gives me the freewill to take chances and risks, & always pulls me back into His arms when I cry out for Him.

For the past couple of years I have had some major health issues. I have made several lifestyle changes & been put on several limited diets, tried medicine after medicine, done medical test after test. I can't tell you how many times I've had blood drawn or been hooked up to how know's what machine in the past year. I've even eaten radioactive eggs to try to figure out the problem. But everything they think they've got an answer, or a solution, just something to make me feel a little better & lessen the pain, even if it's just a little bit, something always changes. I don't have any constants in my life. I'm sick & tired of being sick & tired. & every time something changes, after I get out all of my tears, I'm angry. Angry at anyone, everyone. Angry at God. I think out of all of my siblings, why I am stuck with this? It's frustrating & irritating to day in & day out be left with no answers or permanent solutions. While I'm stuck eating gluten-free food, on a low-fat diet, with a lactose intollerancy, I just want some macaroni & cheese. I mean really, is that too much to ask?

With all my anger comes plenty of complaining and negativity, I mean just feel free to check my Twitter account, {even the 48-hour positive Tweet challenge Dr. Roush, my choir director gave me a week ago, was extremely difficult.} it isn't necessarily the most uplifting thing. But who am I to complain? I am blessed. So very blessed. I live in a country where my freedom is for real, & I've got doctors to try to help me feel better. I have clean water. Actual clean water. I mean I pay over $20,000 to go to an institution that gives me a Christian education. I live in a place where I am able to achieve my dreams & set high goals for myself. Last summer, I was given the challenge of keeping a "Joy Journal." In this Journal, I was only allowed to right down things that bring me joy. The simple little things in life that I take for granted every single day. A few things on my list would be: naps, chocolate, toilet paper, fruit snacks, & Starbucks. Simple enough, right? Well I suggest you try to take up this challenge & start your own "Joy Journal." Philippians 4:4 says "Rejoice in the Lord always, and again, I say Rejoice!" So let's celebrate what we are graciously blessed with.{I also would suggest reading the whole book of Philippians because it is just a very uplifting book.}

But back to my anger towards God, I have learned to give Him control. I've decided to cast all my burdens upon Him, 1 Peter 5:7, or Psalm 55:22, because I know He will get me through this. The Lord is on my side, and with Him all things are possible. {Philippians 4:13}

Peace & love.
B.