{A Joyful Life}

I've recently done some evaluating of my life. & what I've found isn't pleasing. I've looked at how I treated people, things I have said, things I have done. & I've been disappointed. I've always thought that I was better than the world, that I'm not the type to give into worldly things all because God was on my side. Yes, God was there, but He gives me the freewill to take chances and risks, & always pulls me back into His arms when I cry out for Him.

For the past couple of years I have had some major health issues. I have made several lifestyle changes & been put on several limited diets, tried medicine after medicine, done medical test after test. I can't tell you how many times I've had blood drawn or been hooked up to how know's what machine in the past year. I've even eaten radioactive eggs to try to figure out the problem. But everything they think they've got an answer, or a solution, just something to make me feel a little better & lessen the pain, even if it's just a little bit, something always changes. I don't have any constants in my life. I'm sick & tired of being sick & tired. & every time something changes, after I get out all of my tears, I'm angry. Angry at anyone, everyone. Angry at God. I think out of all of my siblings, why I am stuck with this? It's frustrating & irritating to day in & day out be left with no answers or permanent solutions. While I'm stuck eating gluten-free food, on a low-fat diet, with a lactose intollerancy, I just want some macaroni & cheese. I mean really, is that too much to ask?

With all my anger comes plenty of complaining and negativity, I mean just feel free to check my Twitter account, {even the 48-hour positive Tweet challenge Dr. Roush, my choir director gave me a week ago, was extremely difficult.} it isn't necessarily the most uplifting thing. But who am I to complain? I am blessed. So very blessed. I live in a country where my freedom is for real, & I've got doctors to try to help me feel better. I have clean water. Actual clean water. I mean I pay over $20,000 to go to an institution that gives me a Christian education. I live in a place where I am able to achieve my dreams & set high goals for myself. Last summer, I was given the challenge of keeping a "Joy Journal." In this Journal, I was only allowed to right down things that bring me joy. The simple little things in life that I take for granted every single day. A few things on my list would be: naps, chocolate, toilet paper, fruit snacks, & Starbucks. Simple enough, right? Well I suggest you try to take up this challenge & start your own "Joy Journal." Philippians 4:4 says "Rejoice in the Lord always, and again, I say Rejoice!" So let's celebrate what we are graciously blessed with.{I also would suggest reading the whole book of Philippians because it is just a very uplifting book.}

But back to my anger towards God, I have learned to give Him control. I've decided to cast all my burdens upon Him, 1 Peter 5:7, or Psalm 55:22, because I know He will get me through this. The Lord is on my side, and with Him all things are possible. {Philippians 4:13}

Peace & love.
B.