{Wrap it up & top it with a bow}

It's funny to me, to think that I started this blog three years ago. Luckily for you, & me, I deleted the earliest blog posts long ago to save myself from any future embarrassment. But when I think about it, I write these blogs for me, & I don't really care what other people think about them, however, I do love it when people read my blog, comment, give me feedback, share it, & make it blow up {hint hint}. But I write all of these blogs for myself. Writing is the best way I know to express myself. It's kind of like my own journal or diary, but unlike most people, I choose to make it public, instead pf private. The issues or things I address are something that is going on in my life, or something I'm dealing with or trying t learn from. This journal is for my own personal growth, thoughts, & opinions. So why do I choose to publish it? Because I hope that some of these issues or topics may be relevant to other peoples' lives or may help someone in a way that they didn't know.

I don't really think of myself as a great writer & I certainly need to work on my typing skills, because I type like I'm in third grade. You know the two pointer finger technique? Well definitely using that to type this out. Also, I am a terrible speller. Thanks goodness for spell check, because otherwise, ha let's just not go there, shall we? Even though I don't think I'm a good writer, I do enjoy writing. I like to be expressive & creative. Writing blog posts about what I want, when I want, & with no deadline is so much more enjoyable than if I were to be given a specific topic to write about.

Just like in any journal or diary, I address the problem & what I think would be a possible solution. Sometimes, my answers aren't always right, something I'm still in the experimenting process myself. But I always try to think of things in a positive way.

To recap this year, it wasn't my best. It was very up & down, a constant roller coaster motion for me. It was hard for me to remember who I was before I came into 2013. My school year wasn't the greatest. I was a really sucky friend, daughter, & sister. Most importantly, my faith struggled. I've spent the last 4 months doing a lot of rebuilding. The rebuilding of friendships, of relationships, of self-image & self-worth, & a lot of trust.

I've learned a lot of lessons, & a reached a lot of limits. I've hit rock bottom, climbed back, crashed back down, & headed to the top again. I've put myself in front of other people, so when that didn't seem to be getting me anywhere really, so I flip flopped positions & became frustrated that that wasn't working either.

This year I searched for my own answers a lot. Learned o do a lot of relying. I relied a lot on my parents, my older sister, old high school friends, & a lot on God. When your faith is very minimal, it is hard to put all of your trust into something that you can't see. But seeing isn't believing, believing is seeing. I know that's an over used cliche, but it fits more than perfectly into my life. Every single day, God gives me a second chance. & I know & trust that He always will.

This year has taught me that alone is good, alone is peaceful. Reflection time gave me the opportunity to look at myself in the mirror & point out the things that needed to change about me. Now that I've got most of my health back, I got the chance to improve it even more, by adding routines & exercises into my daily schedule. My physical health began to improve. My spiritual health began to improve. I just began to improve.

I want to end this post with a positive note to several people who have been an influence on my life in this past year, even if they don't realize it, I want to thank them for just being an example to me.

Mom & Daddy- I can't think of anything better to say than just, Thank you & I love you.

My Soprano Sectional- Getting to know & bond with you girls this semester has been so uplifting, & I CANNOT wait to get back to school to spend more time with each of you.

Dr. Clark Roush- You sir, have just been very consistent about checking up on me, which I greatly appreciate & I cannot express how much I just needed to hear the words you have to say every day in choir rehearsal.

The Dames {Emily, Elle, Danielle, & Melanie}- You girls are my glue. Keep me from falling part. Even when separated by miles & miles, by hours & trains, bus rides, plane flights, long drives through boring states, when I get together with you it seems like we weren't ever apart.

Shannon Leinen, Christi Lones, Jackie Spivey & Janet Rush- Without you knowing it, you have impacted my life. You have been such wonderful examples of YC Women of Valor, for setting godly examples daily on our campus. We are very grateful for you to share your knowledge & passion with us. Thank you for your servant hearts.

The Sophomore Girls {Karlie, Heidi, Nicole, Soren, Caroline, Eryn, Haley, Melanie, Chloe, & Lindsay}- I thank God everyday for the wonderful Christian examples you set for me. You are just the set of girls I needed to push me to get through this semester.

Courtney King, Morgan DeBoer & Tara New- Without you three, giving me support & advice when I didn't think I needed it, I probably would not even have made it through this semester.

Nolan, Levi, Cole, & Grant- Thank you for being my sanity & for holding me together with your daily hugs.

Jordan, Alaia, & Alyssa- The best roommates I could have ever asked for. Thank you for being so wonderful to me all the time. I Learning how to grow up was much easier when you were there with me.

My Boys {Garrett, Nick, Dylan, Micheal, & Jordy}- Thanks for the laughs, the memories, the experiences, & for just letting me be one of the "bros" when I needed to be.

Theta Psi & Sigma Tau- For always being the pick me up that I needed.

Kate & the Cheer Squad- Thank you for being my light & my support. I am so thankful to be on a team with each of you beautiful, lovely, & talented ladies.

& to YOU- Yes you. The one reading this right now. For your support. For following me on this years journey. For the comments, the "likes", the shares. I appreciate you.

Well now that this post is 12 years long, God bless you all. Merry Christmas.

Peace & love.
B.

{The Perfect Prince Charming}

Since the time I was three I've had the vision of finding my Prince Charming. It might have had a lot to do with my obsession with Disney movies & princesses, which I still learn life lessons from, but also the idea of being madly in love fascinated me. I can tell you every detail of the dream wedding that I've had planned for years. Every detail except who the groom is.

First off, let's get this one thing straight. The classic Disney Princesses are the best. No doubt about it. I don't think that these Disney Pixar ones should count. & the second thing we need to get straight, Ariel, yeah, she's the best. I mean she's a mermaid & a princess. The best of both worlds. Duh. I went to college & dyed my hair red to actually live out the dream. I modeled my life after these princesses, singing & dancing my way through life. Now I'm like a modern day Cinderella (my second favorite princess) working as a janitor for the college.

My love for the perfect ballgown came about when I started going to proms, running for school dance queen, taking on the nickname "Princess" on our high school cross country team. Having so many pairs of high heals & no where to wear them except when I'm making dinner for my friends. My whole life I've been conditioned to be a princess. & every one knows that every princess has a handsome prince. Someone who rides in on a valiant steed & saves the day.Now that I'm 20, & the fact that I'm single, makes me realize that not every princess gets her prince right away.

I found my prince though. He isn't the one that I was exactly looking for, but he's one that I will always be able to count on & rely on. He won't ever let me down, won't turn me away when my life gets too complicated. He is patience, forgiving, & loves me regardless of how many times I break his heart. You see this prince didn't ride in on a valiant steed, but a donkey. He didn't were a crown of jewels, he wore a crown of thrones. He welcomes all the little children & gives value to women.

My prince, is also my savior. He came & defeated the biggest dragon. No Prince Eric or Prince Charles, or Prince Philip or any combination of them could do that on their own. My Prince Charming is Jesus Christ because he actually laid down his life to save mine. I know you may think this is kind of corny, but it's all so real to be. It's the fairy tale I've always wanted. & I'm just now realizing that I've always had it & will continue to have this dreamlike life for the rest of mine.

I am a daughter of the one true King, which makes a princess, if you actually think about. So all my hopes & dreams have already come in. We are all children of God, which means we should all live as royalty.

Psalm 37:4 "Delight yourself in the Lord & He will give you the desires of your heart." You see, I desired love, & I gt more than I could ever ask thanks to the blood of Jesus.

I know there is some physical Prince Charming waiting somewhere, probably under a lily pad because I refuse to kiss any frogs to find him, but right now, I've got all I need. Now just comes the part of life where I wait for the bride groom to come & take me away to live in paradise.

Peace & love.
B.

{Pass the rolls please}

I came home from college for Thanksgiving break a couple of days ago, & all of a sudden, I've got like this bedtime or something. It's like my mom forgot how I'm 20 years-old, & in college, so my body is wired not to need sleep at a normal person's time, you know I find funny, because when all of my older cousins would come home from their college breaks, or whatever, they would talk about how they would stay up really late, wake up with barely enough time to brush their teeth before class, take long naps during the day, & then do it all over again the next day, which is just something I didn't understand at the time, but trust me, I GET IT NOW! But my mom, she sends my brother & sister Taylor to bed, {because who knows where Maddogg5 is since she's always running around with some school activity & is way too cool to hang out with her sister who came home to spend time with her, whatever, loser} & then my mom looks at me like going to be at 10 o'clock is something she expects me to do. As much as I'd like to be able to fall asleep at 10, we all know I'm just going to sit here until nearly 2am until my eyelids give out. My mom has this brilliant idea of me working on some of the homework I had brought home with me over break. Uhh, well, this is me doing my homework, Mom. I mean, paper topics will always be permanent, however, the thoughts that run through my head, are not always guaranteed that they'll be there in the morning when I finally decide to wake up from hibernation. 

So since this week is Thanksgiving week, I want to highlight on something that I am most thankful for. It's my food allergies & intolerances. Yeah, I know, that's something strange to be thankful for, but really I am thankful for them, even though most of the time it doesn't seem that way. The most commonly asked questions I get when someone is talking about food are: "Can you eat this?" "Will this make you sick?" "Is there gluten in *fill in the blank*" My all time favorite is when a guy asks me on a date & pulls out the "So this place is good for you to eat at, right?" {Future suitor tip: always call the restaurant ahead to see if gluten-free options are available, it shows that you really are putting an effort into the date.}

For those of you who don't know, in 2011, I had my gall bladder removed which caused a whole other realm of problems for me. I started seeing a specialist out of Omaha, did several, I mean several, medical tests, I can't tell you how many times I've had my blood drawn, & I've even had to eat radioactive eggs, but hey, that's pretty cool, I'm gong to asks the cooks at the restaurant where I work if they want to add those to the menu, I highly doubt they'll take me up on the suggestion, but hey, you never know! I have a gluten allergy {DQ2 Heterozygous} which leads me to live #myglutenfreelife. I am also lactose & red-meat intolerant. So with Thanksgiving coming up, it's kind of a depressing holiday for me. I can't take part & dominate in the roll eating contests with all my cousins, or chow down on some fatty turkey gravy.

But you know what? That's okay. Sure, I may be a little jealous of everyone eating real food, but remember my mom who makes brilliant suggestions, well she was kind enough to buy me some bread mix so I can make my own rolls, & my own gluten-free turkey gravy, so back off cousins, you can have the real crappy stuff. The healthy stuff is all mine! & just let me tell ya, pumpkin pie pudding tastes just as good, if not better than a pie with the crust.

That's what I'm thankful for. For having the option to be next to normal with other humans on holidays such as this. Yes, I know it's not the same, but I feel like God put this struggle in my life fr a reason. I may not see exactly why He did right now, but someday, I know I'll find the meaning behind this. Right now though, I'm going to choose to look at this as a positive thing. Since I have had a complete diet & lifestyle change, my health has significantly improved, that should be something to rejoice about. 

My Lord has been very giving & has always provided for me, He has blessed me with doctors, & medicines, & surgeries, so many things that people anywhere else in this world might be deprived from. But I want to thank Him for giving me the opportunity to reap the benefits of those commodities. He has given me my health back. Not to say that everyday is perfect, & there are still days when I feel like this isn't fair, but He's given me the change to live on my own & to just be a college kid, just one with a little less fast food in their life. It's just so crazy how one little thing has the power to completely turn your entire world upside down not necessarily as a bad thing, per say, but as a blessing, you just need to have the mindset that it will be okay. Even I have a hard time grasping that concept at times, just ask my mom, I can;t tell you how many times I called/still call her bawling about wanting to eat chicken fingers or something stupid like that.

I would like to wish you all a very Happy Thanksgiving. Be sure to acknowledge the small things that you should be thankful for. 

Eat a roll or two for me this week! 

Peace & love.

B.

{Commitment}

I would like to wish my parents a happy 24th wedding anniversary today. I wish I could be at home to give them each a hug & kiss, but due to being a "big girl" a college, that won't be happening, unfortunately. Hopefully, Maddogg5, Tay, and Thad, can give enough to make up mine & Jordy's absence. Through all my life, m parents, have been my rock, stronghold, wisest advisers, biggest supporters, & gave me more than all I ever wanted or needed. Someone was there at everything we all did, from soccer games to choir performances. Never did I have to wonder about my parents making it on time, because they always were there, ready to applaud us whether we sucked or rocked!

My daddy works harder than any other man I have ever met. He has the work ethic to finish ever project.Growing up with seven people under one roof, my siblings & I never went to bed hungry or without anything we didn't need. My dad works so incredibly hard, harder than any of his other co-workers. Even when it was only Jordan & I around, my dad bought us the toys we didn't need, the dresses that my thought would look cute on us.  He is highly regarded in our home church congregation & has more knowledge than anyone I know on any subject. He can fix any tractor or car problem, helps people when they are in needed, always striving to serve others. I've never seen my dad take a sick day or not put someone else before himself. His selfless, kind heart is something I really admire. Though none of us have that bright red hair, {except for my dyed color} we all have traits that he carries, ones that he passed on or taught us, even if he didn't do it one purpose. Thad is like my dad in more ways than us girls, but he's lucky, because he has a great man to look up to. I've learned how a man should treat his wife & children based off of my dad's example, & I will settle for no less than that. I may not know who I will be marrying someday, but I know who will be walking me down the aisle, who who will make me cry the most that day. Thank you, Daddy, I love you.

My beautiful, lovely mom was a stay at home mom for most of my life. My mom gave up everything she ever knew & was familiar with to move up to Iowa & live on the Kinney family farm with my dad & learned the role as a farm wife.She made it to all the school concerts, elementary class parties & field trips. Never missed a first day of school picture. Even with five kids, she made time for all of us. Made us a birthday cake on every birthday, monkey bread on every Christmas. Everyday she pours her heart & soul into us. Taught us to be lovely girls, & raised a sweet, and gentle son. My mom most importantly taught us how to laugh. She's always been so forgiving, even when she doesn't always need to be. From my mom's example, my sisters & I have learned how to be hospitable & how to care for someone on a greater level. Not only did my mom take on the full-time mothering job, but once my brother started school, she went back to school herself to get a nursing degree, & because of that, she is able to help my sister & I pay for school so that we can a Christian education. My mom wipes butts on the regular to give us the extra edge on lie so that we can go on to bigger, better things.

From all of the boyfriends that we've brought home over the years, they've smiled, or laughed, or rolled their eyes, but in the end, taught us to choose wisely, because marriage is for life, & my parents have been a great example of what that commitment looks like. My mom wears the earrings my dad got her for a wedding gift, 24 years later.


For 21 years, my mom waited for new siding on our old farmhouse, & my dad finally gave her her wish. Just recently, my mom finally got her kitchen remodel that she's been waiting for.
In Miranda Lambert's song, House That Built Me, there's a line that goes:
"Mama cut out pictures of houses for years, from 'Better Home & Garden' magazine. Plans were drawn, concrete pour, & nail by nail,& board by board Daddy gave life to Mama's dream."
Which is more than true. My favorite dogs are buried in the yard, while my two newest puppies run around, fat & happy.

The best thing that my parents could've ever done was raise me in such a great church. They've instilled such a love for Jesus in mine & my sibling's hearts. My daddy got to baptize all five of us because we saw & now how important it is to love our heavenly Father just like would would love our own dad.

After having lived on my own for the past year and a half, there really is "no place like home." My home has defined me. After years of watching my dad work I have the farm girl mentality, & years of seeing my mother's southern hospitality up north, I've got the makings to be a southern belle. I've learned so many lessons & been shown so much grace throughout my life, but no matter what, at the end of that day, my parents were always there for me, ready to love, forgive, & teach.

Thirteen years ago, our family as made complete with little Thaddeaus added to the mix, now I couldn't ask to have been raised in a better home. So, Happy 24th Anniversary, Mom & Dad! I love you very much! Thank you for everything you do & continue to do to keep our family strong & focused!

Peace & love.

Boo boo.

{Tell me your secrets}

So recently, I've turned into the "go to girl" when someone needs to find out some information concerning another person. How I got granted this position, I have no clue, but it's happened. & most of the time I tend to know the answer to their questions. I'm pretty caught up on what's going on around campus, which isn't very hard when there's only 500 students here at York, but I know a lot. I don't know how I came to know every detail about everyone &/or why people think that I'm the girl to know.

But really if you think about it, it all dwindles down to one little issue. Gossip. That's right, I am promoting gossip. Am I proud of it? No, not really. Maybe it's just me being nosy, or maybe it's the fact that I'm constantly attached to social media where I keep in constant contact with what's going on with my peers' lives, or letting them have a little insight to my life, I mean just check out my Twitter page, I LOVE TWEETING #twitterlife. 

Just recently some sort of drama went down on campus, something that reminded me more of middle school than being in college, but everyone fed into it. We all laughed at the expense of the people involved. We added in our own comments. & many people subtweeted about it. You see, we're all guilty. It's not that anyone intends on gossiping, but it does happen & it's something that needs to be addressed. Some people might say that their little conversation is a secret, but I say that's kinda cheating & tricking your mind into thinking that you're doing something that would be pleasing to God's ears, when all you're doing is trying to hurt some one.

Yes, there is a difference between gossip & a secret, but it's is also a fine line. When your words are more hurtful than helpful, then you might want to reevaluate what you're saying. This is something that I for sure need to work on. I don't even catch myself doing ti sometimes until I'm halfway through what I'm saying, & then I think that I can't stop halfway through so I finish. So then I fully know I'm doing something that is displeasing to God. Good one, Bailey. Way to suck. You're the worst. But really, that's how I feel when I catch myself gossiping. I know I'm not showing love with my words when I'm just trying to spread something around.

Let's look at a few verses that specifically address gossiping:

Proverbs 20:19 "A gossip betrays a confidence; but a trustworthy man keeps a secret."

Psalm 52:2 "Your tongue plots destruction, it is like a sharpened razor, you who practice deceit."

Psalm 34:13 "Keep your tongue from evil & your lips away from speaking lies."

Think about it, how would you feel if you knew someone you trusted started spreading around what you told them in confidence? Would you trust them again? I'd probably get the urge to punch them in the face, but I'd to the Christian thing by just punching a pillow instead. It's frustrating. It's rude. It's disrespectful. It's mean & cruel. You feel betrayed, hurt. Nothing good comes from it, except maybe a few laughs at someone else's expense, but not the laughing "with you" type, but the laughing "at you" type of laughter, or maybe a few more rumors. 

So come on people, let's spread words of love, not words that can hurt someone. "My dear brothers & sisters, take not of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, & slow to become angry." James 1:19

Spread love.

Peace & love.

B.

{Sister Dear}

Today I got to sing the National Anthem for the last game that I will ever get to see my sister play. Though, I grew up hating that stupid sport, I grew up to be your biggest fan. The way you've pushed through pain, frustration, irritation, & disappointment has been so inspiring. I can now see why you love the game so much.

I'm going to miss watching to run around in circles & I'll be sad when I don't hear your loud screams on the field. I'll miss the "power point" we shoot each other when your name is called, those sister moments that no one notices. Your gross, green headband helped me to pick you out on the field. But if you for some reason lost that, then I always knew that #15 was you.

Serving as captain for two years is a great honor, & you've humbly held it. You were always looking out for your teammates and ready to push on to the next game, whether it followed a W or L.

I couldn't have been more proud to be your sister on Homecoming when you walked across the field as court royalty, as a senior, & knocked in that great goal. I've never celebrated more that what I did when you scored.

I love you, Jordan. I'm sad to see you be done with this phase of your life, but I know it brought you so much joy. You've got one more game, then you'll lace up your cleats, & even though we aren't going to see it, I know you'll put your whole heart into it. I can't ask for a better role model or bigger supporter. God sure did bless me with a great big sister like you.


Love,
BooBoo

{Lovely}

In my Soprano sectional every week, our section leader comes up with a discussion, opening question. They vary from one naming a moment in your life that impacted you in some way to what you look for in a guy. Some of them are silly, some are more serious. & with the diverse group of girls that are in our section, our responses are all over the place. This week's question though got us all thinking in a positive way of ourselves.

"What is your favorite part of yourself? Either a physical trait or a personality trait."

Talk about seeing yourself in positive terms. Sure we all have features we wish we could change, but this activity required us to pick out or favorite parts of ourselves. Some girls said they liked their eyes, or hair, or teeth. Some liked their legs or how they evenly fit into their body builds. It was really cool to see how someone would point out a specific trait and you would look at that on them & see the beauty in it the same way they did. It was extremely cool for me to experience.

Not only did we point out physical traits, but personality ones as well. Some girls said they enjoyed their servant heart or their heart for service, or how they found joy in encouraging others. It was just so awesome! It gave me a whole new point of view of these girls.

This simple discussion question helped me to see the real, true beauty in these other girls. The beauty that God wants us to highlight everyday, on both internal & external levels. You see, God made us all beautiful. Sure someone can tell you you're beautiful or pretty or whatever, but until you actually feel that way about yourself, those words don't mean anything to you.

Like any other girl, I grew up with insecurities, like I'm too tall, too skinny, not skinny enough, My arms are too long, I lack in muscle tone. Whatever, it was I felt it too. But I've come to terms with myself that this is how God made me to be. So I may be a little awkward, but I'm confident with the way I look & confident in what I wear.

Even if I'm having an extremely ugly day, I can feel that God has given me beauty. He's given us all our own unique beauty. Some compare it on different levels, but God compares your beauty to your heart. Sure He made you beautiful on the outside, but He intends you to be beautiful on the inside.

Growing up, my mom never really told my sisters & I that we were "beautiful" or "pretty" mainly because she didn't want that to go to our heads, not because she didn't think we were, {because let's face it, us Kinney girls are babes, just kidding, but not really, we just get it from our mom, that's besides the point though} she didn't tell us about our outward beauty, because she wanted us to focus on us being lovely.

Not beautiful, but lovely. Pleasant. Ladylike. Sweet. Kind. Gentle.

Try it sometime, be lovely to someone. & maybe, just maybe, they'll be lovely back towards you.

You have a body, but you are a soul. Make it a lovely soul.

Peace & love.
B.

{Enough}

I am enough. I have enough. I do enough. I am enough. I am enough for my Lord to send His only Son to die for me. Enough that I am able to serve Him will all my might & with all my will & strength. I am enough.

I constantly hear people telling each other how they need to change so that they can be enough. So that they can reach some certain standard that society has branded into their minds so deeply that we can never be enough. But you are enough.

No, we're not perfect people. & no, we will never have the perfect day.We will never always know the right thing to say or how our actions may affect us in the future. But we are all enough to feel worth from others & ourselves. To feel special. To feel loved & appreciated. To feel that we are doing everything in our power to be the best version of ourselves that we know to be.

Instead of comparing myself to other people, taking my weaknesses & placing them right up next to someone else's strengths, not an even balance in any way, I need to compare myself to what Jesus would want me to be. How He would want me to be strong, courageous, fearless, faithful, truthful, & patient. I need to be enough for Him because He gave his life for me.

My whole life I've never thought of myself as a smart individual. School has never been my strong suit & it's incredibly hard for me to feel that I am doing my best when I don't really know what my best is. But lately, I've been thinking on how I'm smart enough to be in college. Talented enough to be in the concert choir & a small traveling choir. I'm coordinated enough to be on the cheer squad here. Lucky enough to know that I will be graduating early. & I am more than blessed enough to have the friends that I do here.

I may have my struggles here, but I have enough. Enough support & love. & whatever may be thrown my way, I know that my God Will be there, right by my side, because, to Him, I am enough, & I am worth it.

Peace & love.

B.

{It's Complicated}

Sometimes life is complicated. Too complicated. & as humans, we make it even worse by adding more complications to it!We complicate relationships, we all can recall DTR talks, we complicate money issues, school, family situations. Anything! But wouldn't it just be great if we could all live simply? No problems, no struggles. Just living life, going with the flow. All that hippie junk you always hear about. Sounds great, huh? What if we only had the things we need, not the things we want? Let's face it, I'm greedy. Society is greedy. We want & want, & once we have it, we want more! It's this never ending cycle of never being satisfied, never being content. We let the pleasures of earthly things take up space in our hearts that should be given to God.

Jesus taught us to be simple. To take what extra we have & give it back to others & most importantly to back God. Remember the story about the woman at the temple where she gave only the two pieces of silver while everyone else was placing bag of money into the offering? Jesus said she gave more because she gave all she had. She was humble enough to think that God would provide for her when she gave all she had to him. What if we were to give our hearts to the Lord with the same intentions that the woman at the temple had in giving all she owned. "The poor will eat & be satisfied; they who seek the LORD will praise him -may your hearts live forever." Psalm 22:26

Imagine your life without a cell phone.

Yeah, that's rough.

But think about it, do you need it to survive? Is it vital to your existence? No? Yeah, that's what I thought. It's not. People did just fine without advanced technology for thousands of years, but we act like our life is ending if we don't have these stupid little devices on us at all times. Trust me, you're not going to die. Sure they're convenient & helpful, but we don't need them to survive. Last semester, in my Organizational Communications class, we were given an assignment which required us to turn off & turn in all of our electronic devices. That included iPods, cell phones, computers, laptops, radios, anything that would connect us to the modern communication. We were required to journal throughout the day when we were tempted to us the technology & when we thought the technology would be helpful.

At fist, I hated this assignment. First off, because now I had nothing to do in class because I couldn't sit on Twitter, & secondly because I had no way of getting a hold of any of my friends to make any sort of plans. & let me tell you, it is quite difficult, even on a campus of only 500 students, to find a few select people. Extremely difficult. But as the day progressed, I began to enjoy the freedom of not being tied down to my phone. I didn't have the desire to text or Tweet or really waste my time looking at an itty bitty screen. I was able to open my eyes to the world around me & focus on the beauty of that day. Because it really was a beautiful day.

Sometimes, taking the simplistic approach to life is a good thing. it gives you a break, gives you freedom. It's beautiful. I'm not saying I want to go every day without my laptop or cell phone, but it was a nice blessing that I didn't expect to have.

So I don't know why we complicate things. I can;t give you that answer. Maybe it's just that we are drama driven, or greedy, or jealous, selfish, who knows. All I know is our Savior was none of those things. Just keep that in mind as you go about your day & when things get "Complicated."

Peace & love.
B.

Building.

So the second year f my time at York College began a week ago. It's technically the second half of my sophomore year, so that's pretty cool, but that also means I'll be done in 3 1/2 like my sister, so yay for saving money! I came in hoping to be a full fledged junior at the start of this year, but due to some events this summer, I wasn't able to complete an online class that I was taking, so I'm spending another semester here in good, ol' Thomas Hall. Dorm life, for life. It's not so bad, I just miss having a kitchen, really. My best friend since I can remember lives directly next door to me & so happens to be my wonderful RA. So that's pretty chill. The problem with this dorm though, I'm on first floor, & the girls who I'm closest with all live down in the basement, yeah, one floor, not that big of a difference, but oh it is!

I've felt pretty alone this semester. But because of it, I've had a lot of reflection time. I've been able to think about the decisions I've made in my life & been able to look at where my walk with God is. & frankly, I could use some help. In our Campus Ministries group, I m a part f the outreach & encouragement area, but it's hard for me to fill others up & build them up when I'm not being built up, or building up myself.

So this has led me to setting a challenge for myself this year. Goals that I can take baby steps to achieve.

My first goal: Strengthen my relationship with the Lord. Learn not only to lean on Him in my times of struggle & need & when I feel most alone, & to trust that He has a plan for me & is using me everyday to help someone else.

Goal number two: Become a better friend.

Finally, goal three: Work to use the people God has placed in my life as positive influences, & to rid of all the negative junk I deal with everyday.

Pretty simple, right? Well, probably not. Any relationship takes work & discipline. You have to be willing to give a part of yourself to the other person involved. Relationships take trust & understanding. There is no way anyone will ever be perfect, & as humans, we have to respect that of each other. We all will mess up. Make each other angry. Disappoint one another. But you know what? That's a part of the life cycle. That's a part growing up & maturing.

I have a lot to learn & a lot to fix. Just like when trying to construct a building, you start with a layout and then move to the foundation. I need to set a firm foundation based on Jesus & His promises to us. I read a quote the other day that said, "I may not be perfect, but I worship a Savior who is." God's grace & love can cover any flaw. & no matter what, you are always going to be loved & His arms will always be opened wide for you to run into.

Trust in Him, & He will provide.

Peace & love.
B.

{God Has a Plan}

So this summer, I decided to live in York & work. I have been blessed with three incredible roommates, my sister, Jordan, Alaia Navratil, & Alyssa Becker. We have had so much fun & made so many memories. It's been kinda fun to be a big girl & take care of myself, but it's also been very stressful. Luckily, I have such a strong set of friends to watch out & take care of me. I was lucky enough to have Garrett and Elijah stay in town too, so I basically spend every waking moment with them. I have the best friendship with them & I am so grateful for it!

This summer I have been stressed with money & just life in general. I'm still trying to figure out why I'm always sick & having several food allergies & restrictions is not easy to pay for when you're living off a waitress salary. & to top it off, I decided to take summer classes 1. because they're cheaper & 2. because I want to get ahead with school & knock out some generals.

There was one thing that was missing from my summer though. Nebraska Youth Camp. Since the time I was 7, I've spent every summer out at camp as a camper and staff member, & this year was to be the first year I wouldn't go out there at all. As camp neared closer, a tug was pulling on my heart. I was aching to be out there with my second family. I decided to visit my mom as she was staffing during the Junior Session, which is the older elementary school age. I stopped by one afternoon & it nearly broke my heart to drive through the gate & know that I only had a few hours there this summer.

Then on that next Sunday, a call from God it felt like, happened! My cousins direct the Senior Sessions & I listened to them say how there was a girl counselor drop out & there was only two weeks to find a replacement. I knew at that moment, that's what I needed to be doing. So I worked it out with my cousins for me to go out & counsel, even though I would have to drive back to York a couple of times to work. As the Intermediate (Middle School aged) Session continued & was about to enter week 2, I got a call from the director, Jay Roberts, asking me to come out that next day to counsel a cabin that was closed. There weren't enough staff to fill the counselor position & they called me saying there was a waiting list & a group of girls who wouldn't be able to come out because no one could counsel the cabin. Without even second guessing it, I said YES, & packed up my bags & headed out to Kearney THAT night. As soon as I arrived at the campground I was tackled with hugs and wrapped in love. Miss Sandra told me how glad she was that I was there & how God had a plan. She told me how I was an answered prayer & immediately, I knew that God did have a plan.

I was blessed with a great co-counselor, who was once one of my own campers several years ago. My cabin that week was silly & fun. I got to meet a whole new set of girls & was constantly thanked for saying a simple "yes." When the Thursday night banquet rolled around, Miss Cheri, the camp nurse got up to tell a story of how there was a need & God answered that need. She recognized me in front of everyone, I've never felt more humble & honored in my life. I cried. It's was an emotional week for me. Miss Cheri also told me how much she enjoyed seeing me interact with my younger siblings, because since I moved out last August, I haven't seen much of them, so getting to build up that sister and brother bond was so refreshing & made me realize how important my family is to me. I am one lucky chick.

As the Senior Session (high school age) came, I got back in the same cabin I was counseling for Intermediate; Orioles. Just so you know, I HATE that cabin, with a passion, & the counselor bed basically is the worst in the entire camp. (It's also the bed that I dropped on Courtney and McKenzie King's heads a few years back which sent them to the ER, so it's was pretty nostalgic for me to sleep there.) But the girls who signed up for my cabin blew me away. I got the oldest girls at camp, & I couldn't have asked for a better two weeks! Most of the girls were seniors & my best friends. Just a year ago, I was a camper with them, pulling pranks & causing havoc everywhere. But this year, I had authority. But it was so much fun! With these girls, they already knew each other & me, so it was easy for us to open up. & getting to be Covenant Group leaders with my best Friend, Nolan, literally put the topping on the cake! Love you Group Number Fun!

I also got the opportunity to study with a girl about baptism, & at the end of the second week of Senior, she made the decision to be baptized. I am so glad that she chose me to help her learn & grow. I never knew how much I had actually impacted her life over the years. I love you, Brianna Wells, I am so very proud of you!

I just want to thank ALL the Eves, new AND old: Bailey Cate, McKenzie King, Courtney King, Brooke Bailey, Delaney Woods, Cassidy Shields, Madison Kinney, Bre Goben, Brianna Pullen, Emily Lorie, Halie Ewing, Kaylee Willadsen, Emily Clark forEVEr was our theme this year, because no matter what, this friendship and our faith is a forever thing. I am so blessed with each of the friendships I have with them. They're always ready to have fun & make such an impact on the camp session each year. I can't imagine my life without them. I hope that those of you who didn't graduate will continue to be role models for those younger than you & continue on with the Eve tradition, because there's something about EVEing that builds a strong bond. I am so proud of each of you & love you all very much!

My summer wouldn't have been the same with out these past three week's experiences. If I hadn't of said "yes" then there wouldn't have been the chance for me to step back & let God work through me. I got to fix friendships, see old best friends, say final good-byes, & watch the Lord use His awesome power. God's plan is ultimately grater than mine, & these three weeks have really shown me that. I couldn't have asked for a better NYC experience. Thank you to everyone who encouraged me, showed me love, & accepted me for my faults. I hope that I had an impact on you all like you did for me. I wish all the graduates the best of luck wherever God takes you in your life. Always be Light & listen to His plan, because a simple "yes" can change your life.

Peace & love.
B.

{Worth the Wait}

Some private colleges have certain mottos or "superstitions" of finding a husband, or a wife. My school, for example, has the York arch. Legend has it if you hold hands with someone & walk under that arch, that will be the person you will eventually marry, other school have clock towers that you walk under, the list is endless. There's also the "Ring by Spring" fear, or the "Three swings & a ring" saying running around causing & creating fear of finding a future mate. Growing up, we all have our puppy crushes & dream about the perfect wedding the big ball gown dress & flowers, but do you ever stop to think of who will be standing at the end of the aisle waiting to take you as his wife? We all set out looking for someone who best suits us. Same beliefs, morals, values, sense of humor, personality, or equivalent looks. We look for outward things in our perspective spouses. But wouldn't it be nice to put together the perfect "Mr. (Mrs.) Right"? But shouldn't we be excited for the wait? We should make the best of the wait because there is something in the making rolling out for you right now.

We spend so much time looking for Prince Charming, and there are so many things we want in the right guy. Wouldn't it be nice to be able to pick the traits that we would hope to find in our "dream guy"? I mean I would pick things like:

A Heart like David
Wisdom like Solomon
Strength like Samson
Faithfulness like Job
Love like Jesus
Good looks like Saul
Trust like Abraham
Curiosity like Zacchaeus
Friendship like Johnathan

But while we're searching for these types of things in our spouse potentials we might want to take a step back & take a look in the mirror at ourselves. Are we, as women, putting off the right vibes that we are looking for a good, Christian man? Is our lifestyle pure? Are we showing the kindness & love to just a select few of people or everyone? We need to be as much of a "dream girl" as what we would expect of our male counterparts to be a Prince Charming for us. Maybe we should be striving to have traits like some women in the Bible:

Fearlessness like Ester
Devotion like Ruth
Willingness to learn like Mary, Martha's sister
Bravery like the Bleeding Woman
The want to be loved like the Woman at the Well
Hope like Hannah
Faith like Mary

Ephesians 5: 22-28, 33 says "Wives submit to your husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also should wives submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, to make her holy, cleansing her by washing her with water through the word, and to present herself to himself as a radiant church, with a stain or wrinkle or blemish but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife, loves himself... However, each one of you also must love his wife as e loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband."

Ladies, if this man isn't going to do everything in his earthly power to get you to heaven, then find a man who will make that his goal. & Fellas, if your girl isn't going to serve, honor, & love you unconditionally, then you find yourself a woman who will.

As for me, I'm still looking for my Mr. Right, but I know that God has a plan in store for me, & some day I will eventually get to see that unfold, & just maybe He's trying to make me in the Mrs. Right that some lucky guy is looking for. All I know is that it's time to wait & have faith that my Lord will do whatever is best for me. His plan may not be my plan, & I need to realize that what He has in store for me is better than anything I could try to accomplish on my own.

Peace & love.

B.

{I am NOT afraid}

"Jesus is my best friend, Jesus is my best friend, Jesus is my best friend, I am not afraid." At such a young age, I was taught this song in Sunday Bible school class. He is my night light. Jesus is my rock. But most importantly my best friend. I was taught not to be afraid because He would always be there just like any best friend would. God's love will always be the love I will fall back on & will always be the most accountable. People will fail me, but my God will not. He will always be there, & I do not need to worry. "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer & petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. & the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts & minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7.

With life comes stress & worry. But we must cast our burdens upon the Lord, & He will give us peace. He will show us love. If we were to worry about our spiritual lives as much as we do our physical lives, can you imagine where our relationship with God would go? Can you imagine the extents it would reach & how you would bless His name with your every action, word, & thought? If we spent half the amount of time we do worrying about money or what other people thought of us, & utilized that time to bring honor & glory to our Lord & Savior, our spiritual lives would be in much better health than what they are now. I know that i spend the majority of my time worrying about what others think of me. I'm constantly wanted to be accepted  be pretty enough, smart enough, strong enough, skinny enough, the list goes on & on of me wanting people to see all of the physical attributes I possess & I don't focus on letting my light shine for Him, but I try to make it shine for myself. I have become a self-righteous person, but heyyo, let's look at Proverbs 26:12 "Do you see a man wise in his own eyes? There is more hope for a fool, than for him." Whoa. Deep stuff there.

We worry about tomorrow. We worry about yesterday. & we worry about the future. By why? What makes us so scared? When we have a God who is for us, who will be against us? {Romans 8:31} We don't need to worry, God has got our back!

"You are my hiding place; you will protect me from my trouble & surround me with songs of deliverance." Psalm 91:15. Boom, God is there, He will always be there. We shouldn't worry about our worldly lives, but our spiritual ones. It is through Jesus that we make it to Heaven, not through the impressions we make on other people. So don't worry, God has a plan.

Peace & love.
B.

{Let us Love.}

I will be the first to admit that I am the type of person who likes to hold grudges. I like to feel that if someone has wronged me for whatever reason, that O have the right and deserve to be mad or angry with them. That it is okay, because it was me who was hurt. But did Jesus die for me to be angry & to hate others? NO. He died for the exact opposite of that. We are called to love.

Taking the high road & being the bigger person isn't always the easiest, but when it comes down to it, that's exactly what Jesus did. There is no such thing as being too forgiving. When Jesus was about to be crucified, after He had been beaten, humiliated and spat upon, He asked God to forgive them for what those who were crucifying Him were doing. What I was doing. What YOU were doing. He was asking for forgiveness for us. ALL of us. His blood was poured out for MY sins. YOUR sins. Everyone reaps the benefit of His precious blood & sacrifice, even though there are many that don't even acknowledge that. But Jesus died so that we can be forgiven.

I'm an actress. I'm really good at acting like something is not bugging me or eating at me. To everyone I can play the part of being "OK" & that "nothing is wrong" but in all actuality, it's eating away at me. Fueling my hate fire. Burning me up. & while my hate and anger grow inside of me, the smile on my face becomes more & more fake with every passing minute to the point where I'm stuck holding in my tears & forcing out a laugh. Learning to forgive & forget like God does every day is one of the hardest lessons for me to take in. I find it very challenging to just move on, even after I said I forgave someone. It's a struggle for me to look at that person & not feel angry or hurt. But we are called to love. & if I am to love, then I need to move on, move past what is making me feel the hurt.

If we learn to forgive, I mean really forgive, then we will be able to do anything. Every day I think, "Thank you, God, for just giving me another second chance." We all need second chances because we're all human. There will all be times in our lives where we disappoint someone or hurt someone, even if we didn't mean to. But just like God, we need to show grace & mercy, because we are just as guilty as anyone else for sinning. "Philippians 4:13 "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." So let's forgive, & let's love.

Peace & love.
B.

{I feel pretty}

We live in a world that is based upon looks & appearances. Everyone is always looking for the next big trend or the next hottest item. We adorn ourselves with perfume & jewels. I'm not going to say that I don't like dressing up & looking nice, because I do, but lately I've realized I have spent more time working on the appearance that humans see & not the heart which God sees. Which has all led me to the question:

Which is prettier: your heart or your makeup. 

Living in today's world, we are taught by the American society that skinny is pretty. Rich is pretty. Stupid is pretty. But do money and looks get you into Heaven? We base our lifestyles off of what we see in the media. Shows like Jersey Shore and the Bachelorette teach us that the only way to have fun is to get drunk & that you can be paid to fall in love. Let's be real, life is so much more than that. It is so much more beautiful that what the media portrays it to be. We have this image of "pretty people" & the "fabulous lifestyle" so deeply implanted in our heads that it is virtually impossible to think ourselves as the best version of us & we constantly want improvement. But why are we so focused on being pretty on the outside when we can be gorgeous on the inside? 1 Samuel 16:7 says, "But the Lord said to Samuel, 'Do not look at his appearance or the height of his stature, for I have rejected him. For the Lord sees not as the man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.'" Simple enough, right? But with everyone so judgmental about the way we look, always focusing on our flaws instead of the beautiful features we were given. Everyone is beautiful in their own way, but we all have difficulty seeing that in each other, & ourselves.

We cake on makeup & put on our best dress just to go to the grocery store. & I'm sorry to say this, honey, but you're not going to get that great of a workout of you plan on going to the gym in heals, it just doesn't work that way. I have recently been thinking that we use this makeup to mask ourselves, to try to make ourselves more attractive & flawless. This makeup has become a security blanket for us to hide behind, I'm guilty of this too. I go through makeup like there's no tomorrow because I don't want people to see if I've got a zit or bags under my eyes. Instead of focusing on the natural beauty that I got blessed with, I try to cover it up because it's not perfect. Your beauty should be deeper than your makeup. Deeper than your outward appearance.

God looks at your heart, not your face or designer clothing. He looks at the simple thing that keeps you alive. So people, try not to focus on what society expects you to be, focus on what God wants you to be.

Peace & love.
B.

{A Joyful Life}

I've recently done some evaluating of my life. & what I've found isn't pleasing. I've looked at how I treated people, things I have said, things I have done. & I've been disappointed. I've always thought that I was better than the world, that I'm not the type to give into worldly things all because God was on my side. Yes, God was there, but He gives me the freewill to take chances and risks, & always pulls me back into His arms when I cry out for Him.

For the past couple of years I have had some major health issues. I have made several lifestyle changes & been put on several limited diets, tried medicine after medicine, done medical test after test. I can't tell you how many times I've had blood drawn or been hooked up to how know's what machine in the past year. I've even eaten radioactive eggs to try to figure out the problem. But everything they think they've got an answer, or a solution, just something to make me feel a little better & lessen the pain, even if it's just a little bit, something always changes. I don't have any constants in my life. I'm sick & tired of being sick & tired. & every time something changes, after I get out all of my tears, I'm angry. Angry at anyone, everyone. Angry at God. I think out of all of my siblings, why I am stuck with this? It's frustrating & irritating to day in & day out be left with no answers or permanent solutions. While I'm stuck eating gluten-free food, on a low-fat diet, with a lactose intollerancy, I just want some macaroni & cheese. I mean really, is that too much to ask?

With all my anger comes plenty of complaining and negativity, I mean just feel free to check my Twitter account, {even the 48-hour positive Tweet challenge Dr. Roush, my choir director gave me a week ago, was extremely difficult.} it isn't necessarily the most uplifting thing. But who am I to complain? I am blessed. So very blessed. I live in a country where my freedom is for real, & I've got doctors to try to help me feel better. I have clean water. Actual clean water. I mean I pay over $20,000 to go to an institution that gives me a Christian education. I live in a place where I am able to achieve my dreams & set high goals for myself. Last summer, I was given the challenge of keeping a "Joy Journal." In this Journal, I was only allowed to right down things that bring me joy. The simple little things in life that I take for granted every single day. A few things on my list would be: naps, chocolate, toilet paper, fruit snacks, & Starbucks. Simple enough, right? Well I suggest you try to take up this challenge & start your own "Joy Journal." Philippians 4:4 says "Rejoice in the Lord always, and again, I say Rejoice!" So let's celebrate what we are graciously blessed with.{I also would suggest reading the whole book of Philippians because it is just a very uplifting book.}

But back to my anger towards God, I have learned to give Him control. I've decided to cast all my burdens upon Him, 1 Peter 5:7, or Psalm 55:22, because I know He will get me through this. The Lord is on my side, and with Him all things are possible. {Philippians 4:13}

Peace & love.
B.